Food for the GODS!

So the Shoe Diva has done a pretty good job of describing our trip over Easter. We went to the North of Philippines, a province called Illocano. Where you can be transported back in time to the days of the Spanish occupation...


We had a great experience. Despite the beach looking like the Filipino version of Blackpool at times....



If you go to her blog... http://musingsofashoediva.blogspot.com/ ...you'll see pretty pictures of some (empty) beaches, some very old church's, and shots of the places we stayed. There are also a few photo's of me looking suitably impressed with the 400000000000000 (how many zero's in a zillion?) degree heat that we had to endure. If you look really closely you will notice that in both photo's I'm smiling...on the inside...

However, what she failed to mention was the food.

Yes, I know I've already covered this on the Brown Food Theory post, but this story simply must be told.

This is what was served for breakfast during our stay...


Yup, this is breakfast. Consisting of 1, Dried Fish bones and 2, Seaweed.

This apparently is "authentic" Illocano food. For some strange reason not many people eat it outside of the region. Huh...go figure?

And it gets better!

For dinner the night before we were served this...



Which looks kinda harmless right? Maybe it could be bean sprouts? Maybe some type of rice?

Nope, its Ants Eggs!

Yup, open up those little white poddy things and inside is a 'ickle lickle baby ant.

For those of you wondering, no it didn't taste like chicken!

After 8 years in Asia I've eaten some strange things. Snake...Alligator...Jelly Fish...McDonald's Rice Burger! but this really takes the biscuit...actually a biscuit would've been kinda nice...

Still, there was one consolation, and of course it came in a bottle.


Ahhh....Mango Rum....Drink enough of this and Illocano fare begins to taste like food fit for a God.

And we all know what God spelled backwards is right?

Kids....can't hit 'em, but you can run them down on your mountain bike...

The Philippines is full of Kids...

I mean it! There are kids everywhere! Most of them are parentless and out of control at Festival mall, deliberately running into me as I mind my own business, shopping for the latest copy DVD movie.

The same thing happens out on the trail. Kids are everywhere. Although most of them are dressed in rags, they are much better behaved than the one's at the mall.

Nearly all of them wave and shout "good morning" regardless what time of day it is. Some of them even jump out in front of you and hold their hand up for a "high five" Which is rather disconcerting the first time it happens to you. Especially if you are hooning down singletrack at 40kmh.


So why so many? When I lived here 5 years ago the population was about the same as the UK. Just shy of 70 million. Now it's more than 80 million. Thats 10 million new babies! IN 5 YEARS!

Now, they are Catholic and this obviously has some bearing. The majority are also very poor and derive most of their income from agriculture. So squeezing out a few babies is cheaper than buying a cow to plough your field and I guess you have a food supply if your crop fails....

But I mean! 10 million in five years! That's more than the entire population of New Zealand, Fiji, Samoa and Singapore combined!

Someone needs to get this under control, and its going to be ME! In future when a small child walks into me when im shopping. I shall not leap around like ive been electrocued in order to avoid them, nor shall I apologise to THEM...for walking into ME!

No I shall continue on my current course, I shall not be swathed. I shall be as steadfast as a patriot launched at a SCUD missile. It will be their fault if I accidently walk over them.

If a few small children get maimed in the process, well so be it. They will learn and they will come to fear the Fungus Method of Population Control.


I shall however still high five the kids on my rides...why? Because it's cool and it makes me feel like I can be down with the kids! It also makes me feel like the Fonz off Happy Day's...heeeey!

Word of the Day

Today’s word is Dichotomy.

According to wikipedia A dichotomy is "a mutually exclusive bipartition of elements. i.e. nothing can belong simultaneously to both parts, and everything must belong to one part or the other. They are often contrasting and spoken of as "opposites." The term comes from dichotomous (divided): dich- ([in] two) temnein (to cut)"

The Philippines is a land of dichotomies. A warm friendly, caring culture : with a massive gun problem and high levels of violent crime. A happy go lucky, laid back people : surrounded by frequently devastating natural disasters and extreme levels of poverty.

This is the view from one of the trails near the back of my house. It perfectly sums up one of the frequent dichotomies I come across here. Here you can see a family living in a shack, while behind it, brand new luxury houses are occupied. All within a few hundred metres of each other.

I frequently ride this trail on my own. When I tell my Pinoy friends this they are horrified and consider this a great risk to my personal safety. However, everyone smiles and waves as I ride by and most people say "Good Morning" (even if it's the afternoon) and "Hey Joe" (even though I’m obviously a fungus)

I guess this response might have something to do with there being certain novelty having a white man, on a bicycle, hacking around your back garden in 90 degree heat.

They probably think I've escaped from the local loony bin and am too dangerous to approach....better to be polite and hope he rides away......

Thundering Typhoons!

Well we have had an interesting few weeks. We had a Typhoon rage through here last week and it caused absolute chaos. It was a catergory 4 which, according to my newly subscribed Tropical Storm Risk website http://tsr.mssl.ucl.ac.uk/ is sustained winds of 211-250kmh. Even Jeremy Clarkson would have trouble driving that fast.

When we lived here 5 years ago we had a Cat 2 (154-177kmh) blow through and we spent the day mopping up water being blown through the seals on our windows and watching roofs get blown off peoples houses (with them still holding onto them) I was at work when the storm first hit, it was quite good fun watching it from the roof of our office building and watch the windows bow, wondering if the would shatter. After about 2 hours if high winds and fierce rain it went completely dead. I guess we were in the 'eye of the storm'.


I thought the storm had passed, we had lost power & water at the house so started to arrange to go home. We were on emergency power at the office and our server was down so not much point in being there anyway. The first problem was actually getting out of our road. Tress were down everywhere. This one blocked the road to our office. So after a bit of creative navigation I was on my way home, unfortunately the storm returned, even fiercer than before. Now I was faced with the choice of continuing home or trying to get back to the office. It normally takes me 10 mins to drive home (yeah, I know I should ride my bike) This time it took me an hour. Some of the reasons for this shown below.


I even got to take my soft roader, off road! I eventually got home and after a few hours the storm was over. So we went out & surveyed the damage.
It was pretty obvious that we would have no power or water for a few days.
So with my riding buddy Dirk (Dirka Dirka Jihad Dirka) delayed and little chance of mountain biking, there was nothing for it but plan an extended stay near a beach. Puerto Galera, here we come!

Man's best friend

I've been trying to think of a witty remark to this photo but my brain just isn't working this week. Something to do with my company not paying my salary for 3 months I guess.....

Anyway, this photo was taken by my riding buddy Sergei and I just think that it's funny....

If the three people that read my blog can think of a witty remark, please leave a comment.

A special prize for the best one!

Pinoy brolly thief!

Milly & me have been watching season 2 of Lost on DVD.

I really liked the first season but the second season is really getting on my nerves.

It just seems to be one unexplained event after another with absolutely no explanation over why things happpen the way they do or why people behave in a certain way…..The Philippines is bit like that.


We were sitting in a bar one night and it started pissing down with rain.

This bloke walked up to this brolly, took it out of its stand and walked down the road with it....

Milly reckons that eventualy Lost will make sense, i'm not sure if Manila ever will......

Fitness comes First

Milly & I joined a gym last night. We were haggling over the price of membership when the presence of a Karaoke machine became apparent. Our sales attendant explained that it was their 4 year anniversary and instead of having a party they had decided a sing for charity event.

Due to my natural abilities to sniff out a deal and the obscene amount of Absinthe still floating in my system, the manager of the gym agreed to give us upgraded membership if,.....I sang

Here is me doing Wonderwall by Oasis.

Did it work? I hear you ask.

Membership at every Fitness First in the world for the price of normal membership. Not sure if that was because of my wonderful voice, or because they wanted me to shut the hell up....

Either way, a great testament to the power of song!

A smashing time!

We went to a pub called The Handlebar a few weeks ago and watched the All Blacks kick some Aussie arse!

After the game we were sitting outside drinking and a street vendor came round selling guitars. An elated Kiwi friend of ours bought one as he thought it would make a nice present for his kid.

Trying to drown his sorrows, a particularly offensive Australian (see my earlier post about cocks) decided he could play the aforementioned guitar and proceeded to serenade us with "famous" Aussie pop songs.... These were generally done in the style of Sex Pistols......except not actually as musically talented as them.

Taking offense to the bloody racket being generated. An unknown Englishman, who obviously knew something about good music, purchased the guitar from the nice Kiwi man, and asked to borrow the guitar from the grieving Aussie.

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Once in his possession he did this to it.....

Best 1000 Peso's I've ever spent......

A big beautiful COCK!

I thought this would get your attention. This is part two of Crazy Philippines!

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There are cocks everywhere here. Some of them you meet in bars, some of them you meet through work. Most of the ones I've seen though hang out on the side of the road with their legs tethered to some immovable object. Just like my friend here.

Cock fighting is serious business in Philippines with fortunes gambled on the outcome of a fight. You can see food supplements being sold in pet shops (steroids for birds) and accessories and books on training techniques. The big fights are sometimes televised and I've even seen DVD's for sale of the "Great cock fights of the last 10 years"

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Champion birds are treasured and it has been known for some Filipino men to spend more time with their cocks than with their wives. I know a few English men who can say the same....

Suprisingly, there are no reported cases of bird flu in Philippines.

A nation that looks after its birds, and more importantly it's cocks!

Crazy Philippines! Part 1

The Philippines is a crazy place. I love it....

I'm not intellectual or talented enough to analyse it all and put it down in words. So instead I'm going to start a series of photo's showing some of the crazy stuff that I see on a day to day basis.

This is the first one of these.

This is a photo taken from my (new) car on the way to a shopping mall with the lovely Milly. Traffic is pretty bad in Manila and cars crawl along the road, pollution is terrible (but better than I remember it from last time I lived here)

The city has also been cleaned up quite a lot and there is now a promenade along Manila Bay with coffee shops and bars along it.

The government have spent a lot of money on this and the area, at least in Manila terms, it is very nice now.

The lady in the photo is one of many who are gainfully employed to keep this area clean and manicured. You can't really see it from this photo but she is cutting the grass......with nail scissors......

After this I guess she gets on her broom and flies back to Hogwarts.....