GROOVING FUNGUS

Guess whose back? Back again?

2009-08-17T18:35:00.006+08:00

Wow...its been almost a year since I even LOOKED at my blog...and I'm wondering now why I stopped it? Lets just put it down to a year long hangover that is finally clearing....

So a bit of an update. I'm now living in Spain and working as a mountain bike guide, doing what I love with people I like....mostly...

If it wasn't for the crazy dead artist gay robot police it would be great.....

So I've ridden for 4-6 hours a day every day for the last six months now...and when you go from riding once, maybe twice a week to this kind off intensity your body does all sorts of weird things to compensate....when I first arrived in Spain I looked a bit like this....

A Christmas with my parents obviously contributing....

After two months of a life that consisted solely of riding and then sleeping and then riding and then sleeping and then...you get the idea. I started to resemble this guy..

I was exhausted all the time, I don't think I've ever been so tired. Fortunaltey my fellow guide, in his secon season suggested drinking protien shakes after every ride....and I must say it has been the miracle cure to my exhaustion....the only side affect is this....

I'm gonna need a bigger bike....

Bolivian Riding Powder

2008-09-10T14:42:00.001+08:00

So I only got one ride in during my tour of South America....but what a ride it was...

Starting at 4600 meters...yes that's right METERS and singletrack all the way down....

Most if it full-on poo in your pants stuff with plenty of exposure if you got it wrong...

What you can't see in this photo is the several hundred feet drop to my right...and the several thousand foot drop to my left....

Hence the clenched sphincter type body English seen below...

Despite being off the bike for about 6 weeks and more from luck than skill, I managed to keep rubber side down the entire time.

Hence the large smile on my face....

The following shots are from the "Ghost" trail that Cedric Gracia nailed in New World Disorder 6...

Of course Gracia may have rode it a bit more aggressively than I did.

Especially on the jumpy bits...

The best stuff was the huge blue sky and the feeling of endlessness experienced on singletrack at high altitude..

What really nailed it for me though was the beer at the end of the day......

A massive word to B-Side adventures in La Paz who hooked me up at very short notice...

http://bside-adventures.blogspot.com/

Great bikes, great people and awesome trails..

They also do the infamous Death Road ride, "the worlds most dangerous road"

This is for wimps though....ask them for the Freeride Adventure, only about 20 visitors do this trail a year and it is up there with my trip to Whistler...

The only issue I had was the Xtra Large full face helmet which obscured my vision and made me look like an alien...

I read in the lonely planet that a gram of cocaine costs as much as a beer in La Paz....

I reckon save your money and just ride your mountain bike there...

A nice surprise....

2008-08-01T13:33:00.001+08:00

After almost two months away and a with a pretty serious typhoon hitting while I was gone, I decided to check out the trail this morning....

Well the carefully planned drainage system held up pretty well with almost no damage whatsoever.

As a bonus the weather here is just beautiful at the moment...sunny days and clear skies...

I'll be up the mountain on my road bike this afternoon.

About 1000mts higher than this point..

Despite all the beauty in the world and the exceptionally good karma in my life right now...someone decided to slightly upset my day by leaving this on the trail...

This isn't the first time either. I've been left quite a few 'presents' while building the trail.

It was in full view of the trail entrance as well (you can see the road just at the top of this picture)

Riders BEWARE!

I'm not sure if this was a strategic placement to avoid being seen or to make sure that everyone else sees it!

All I can think of is that it must be some ancient Chinese custom...

"Take crap on trail, bring very good luck!"

I think I should get one of these bad boys installed....

I took this photo while trekking in the Andes'...

It was a big hole dug in the ground surrounded by a nice plastic outhouse...perfect for my trail...

Just got to work out how I get it shipped from Peru to Taiwan..

In the meantime....if I catch whose doing it I will tie them to a tree and leave them there until they look like this...

I'm Back!

2008-07-31T17:03:00.001+08:00

Yes I'm back..back from my 2 month summer trip that took me to places far and wide.

The highlight of which was a four day trek to this little old place.....

No this isn't a postcard...this is an actual shot taken by me on my phone...

But it wasn't all boring cultural type stuff...

I did manage to get some riding in...as can be seen here....

And here....which is Bolivia in case you were wondering....

Same trail that Cedric Gracia rode in NWD6....

He...um...might have ridden it a bit more aggressively than I did though...

Full update coming as soon as I get unpacked!

Ta Da! It's finished!

2008-06-08T10:52:00.007+08:00

After a mad rush involving blistered hands and a broken pick axe or two the trail is finally finished and officially open!

Hoo rah! Everyone have a beer and toast the Fungus...

Here are some photos of Arron trying it out for the first time....

This is just after the entrance at the top (where the trail merges with an existing one traversing the hill)

Rock section

Rock turn (that took me two weeks to carve)

Root section (this will be sweet after a bit of erosion)

Dog sitting section

Trail hog dog

Good views

Some nice rapid switchbacks

My first full bench...all those months ago...

And a drop or two...

Not sure of length yet, I reckon it's just shy of 750m. Total height (BIG guess here) 100-150m.

One person..ME...(with a bit of help from Arron)

Around 10-15 hours a week for six months. Entirely hand built except for the bamboo section that was cleared with a weed whacker. (I still had to dig out the bloody roots with a hoe though)

I saw five piles of human excrement, four snakes, three stray dogs, two lost hikers, numerous lizards, toads, frogs and even the fresh remains of a large rodent sliced clean in two by a hawk.

Three hoes, one rake, three pick axes, one sledge hammer, two saws, one rock and three wood chisels....oh and a petrol driven weed whacker. (used once prior to oil prices and a stubborn refusal to start)

Big thanks to James, his GPS, complete disregard for personal safety and the power of his mighty legs.

Plus all the support from friends and family (you know who you are) Your encourageent made me keep digging when I was thinking "y'know this was a really stupid idea"

Dedicated to Gucci the dog for keeping me company, compacting the tread and 'testing' the trail...

Go ride!

Whacked Off!

2008-05-27T23:59:00.018+08:00

Fellow Mountain biker Dan was getting a bit fed up with how long it is taking me to finish my trail. So he gave me this...

Which is a petrol driven weed whacker...

It turns this...

Into this....

Then using the 'tools of the trade' Which are these...

Liberaly apply what my Mum calls 'elbow grease' and you get this...

Add a bit more elbow grease and eventually, you get this....

Which is all well and good, and Dan's donation has made life a bit easier...but I really wish he had given me one of these....

Anyone got a spare one hanging around?

Make cup cakes not war....

2008-05-27T23:59:00.017+08:00

Unless it involves shooting your freinds.....

...and training with Taiwanese Special Forces.

I could tell you what I'm doing in this photo....

...but then I'd have to kill you.

More Fashion...

2008-04-29T23:42:00.004+08:00

So yes, this is a blog predominantly about my obsession with mountain bikes but I have been known to watch, and just recently, even play a bit of rugby...

I attended a Rugby dinner a few weeks ago where sporting paraphernalia was auctioned off for charity (To raise funds for a former Taiwan club Rugby player who was disfigured in the Bali bomb)

I coveted one item in particular, these....

My finger is touching not only Johnny Wilkinson's shorts, but (gasp) Johnny's signature.

I havn't washed it since...my finger's looking a bit manky too...

The shorts were auctioned to a drunk Australian stock broker for NT$150,000. Who after completing his successful bid went to the stage and tried to set light to them...

Fortunately he was stopped before the forty or so Englishmen in the audience could get out of their seats and waltz on his Matilda...

In the end the fellow Englishman modeling the shorts purchased them from the Australian for NT$120,000..

Which I guess proves that Ozzies are not very good at 1) losing and 2) maths...

Fashion.....

2008-04-28T17:29:00.007+08:00

Cyclists are not known for their taste in clothes. In fact it's pretty hard for anyone to look good in skin tight lycra...

As a Mountain Biker though one has a myriad of options available when 'hitting radical singletrack dude'

One can wear baggy shorts to hide unsightly bulges, a helmet to conceal hair loss and protective armour to cover pale, skinny legs...

Here is our model Victor demonstrating this season's MTB look....

Notice the elegant lines when viewed from behind...

Sporting more convetional looks are, from left to right...Mike, Johnny and Peter.

Three guesses where Johhny is from...

Our final shot displays our models in their natural habitat, clearly indicating untapped talent in the art of looking simply fantastique!

Scooter-ville

2008-04-14T15:16:00.008+08:00

Taiwan has 23 million people....and about 400 million scooters....

One of those scooters is mine....

This one in fact...

Yes I know..for an internationaly recognised mountain biker I don't exactly look very cool on this thing....

But Im not a sure if a Harley would make me look any better and its a much cheaper way to ride on the awesome mountain roads of northern Taipei..

Overall, being a skoota boy (TM) totally ROCKS!!

And it's a lot safer than driving...

He was lucky to walk away from this one. You can't see it in this picture but if that tree hadn't stopped him the car would have plunged a few hundred feet...

Speaking of dying, despite skootaring (TM) being great fun but ultimately not very cool....

You still wouldn't find me dead on this....

Or this....

No...THIS is what I am saving up for....

Yangminshan

2008-04-07T18:37:00.009+08:00

I have finally managed to properly venture out and about into the mountains behind us...

And they are actually rather high! This is Cising at around 1500mts.

Notice the semi active volcano type thing....

....only a few kms from our apartment.

This certainly makes me sleep soundly at night...

Further out towards the coast the views are quite spectacular...

This valley is a short 30min drive from our apartment.

Notice the trail following the river that will just HAVE to be checked out on another trip...

However..not all is good.

The nearest beach to us is 45 mins away, has great surf and could be beautiful...

But it is so badly polluted it's embarasing....

After seeing such beauty in the mountains this really upset me and I can't understand why the local Taiwanese don't do something about it?

The good old bad old days....

2008-03-21T13:11:00.007+08:00

I have just transferred all my photos onto Picasa which is quite a neat piece of free photo software from Google.

While going through my old photos I found some great shots of Malaysia that I believed to be lost. I have only posted photos of trails and machines recently so I thought it would be a good idea to provide a reminder of what mountain biking is all about....

I love berms...even small ones...

There arn't any wooden skinnies in Taiwan....I miss them....

What I don't miss though is crashing at regular intervals....

Looks like this is gonna hurt!

Yup...sure did!

Ooooh Machinery!

2008-03-19T11:00:00.005+08:00

So the Taiwan Bike show has been and gone.....

Unfortunately I got the dates mixed up and was busy kickboxing so I didn't get to go.

Fortunately I know people who did and the general comment was that there wasn't many bikes but lots of nice machinery to see...

Such as this...

..and this....

Not really sure what these machines do but this bloke was getting excited about them....

What is it with Taiwanese and their toilets?

Apparently there were entire stands full of things like handlebar stems, and inner tube valves....

This wheel design looked interesting though...

..but best of all this bloke....

Who is current president of Taiwan (although there is a general election this weekend) said...

"We want to make Taiwan into a bicycle island with over 10,000 kilometers bike paths; a Bike Day and an Bike Museum"

So maybe there's some hope for dedicated for mountain bike trails.

Can't wait to see the museum full off spoke nipple machines though....

More trail building

2008-02-25T14:28:00.006+08:00

Being gainfully unemployed has led to me working on the trail pretty much full time.

Well OK, maybe not FULL time...but I'm up to about four hours a day before I get too knackered to carry on.

So far I've built more than 1/2 km and reckon I have at least another 500-600 Mt's to go until I merge with an existing trail about 40-50 mtrs above my current position.

Things were pretty slow going for a while as I had to cut a lot of full bench into rock to make the trail follow the saddle up. I also had to put a switch back in and build no less than four retaining walls.

This section is all finished now. Although its steeper than I would have liked, it drains well and makes for good riding....

Now that I am at the top of the saddle the going is much easier and I'm making good progress. In fact, I have a well defined process.

First of all the trail is walked and marked (there are white ribbons tied to trees in this photo)

Then the trail is cleared...

Then the trail is cut...

Then after triming, compaction (using our dogs fat arse) and a few days to let the soil settle there is the final test....

....the dog run....

If our dog doesn't want to run it..then the trail isn't finished...

Tomorrow I have this lot to clear....

It sure beats working for a living.....

Trail Blarzin!

2008-02-13T22:28:00.004+08:00

Well its been raining pretty much solidly for 10 days now....

The trail has been holding up well though and the wet weather has made cutting bench and carving sandstone a whole lot easier...

Of course the rather excelent condition of the trails is mostly down to the fact that I am religously following IMBA's 10% rule wherever I can...

So this is too steep...

and this is just right....

Crap Food!

2008-01-28T16:42:00.001+08:00

Litteraly...

last week we went to a resturant where seats are old toilets and the tables are bath tubs...

I played it safe and went for the curry...

This lady loved it!

And for desert?

Georg....without an 'E'

2008-01-25T16:35:00.000+08:00

This is Georg (without an E)

The poor fella can't even spell his name right and will do anything for one of these.....

He will do this...

And this.....

For a Mars bar I reckon I may even be able to convince him to drink this....

Trail Blazing....

2008-01-18T15:52:00.000+08:00

Despite it being the world's capital for bicycle manufacture there are no 'official' mountain bike trails in Taiwan.

The roadies are well catered for with big mountains and quiet roads, the casual riders are also represented with over 100km of nice, flat (and boring) asphalt bike paths around the city.

There is also an amazing amount of hiking, but they have mostly been built on fall lines and as a consequence have hundreds of concrete steps to navigate.

Taipei is surrounded by mountains so the potential is enormous. The trails we do have are pretty awesome, but there isn't many of them and we have to climb on the road to get to them...(via Starbucks though)

So, as a member of the gainfully unemployed I find myself with rather a lot of time on my hands.....and I have decided to do something with those hands...

Here's a few photos of the trail I'm currently building just at the back of our apartment....

This section will eventually be a berm leading into another one just off camera...

Straight bits are also needed though....

And I've got a retaining wall or two to build...

The idea is to create 2-3k medium difficulty loop so that riders just wanting a quick blast don't have to climb for an hour to get on some dirt...

Watch this space for updates....

Helen's

2008-01-16T15:18:00.000+08:00

More photo's from the guys.....

This is a trail called 'Helen's'. So called because of a coffee van thats normaly parked at the top of the mountain. He ussualy waits for the roadies to come through, but the MTB trail head also just happens to be a few hundred metres down the road.

The trail is super gnarly....ive only ridden it once and scared the crap out of me....I decided that I needed 1, A full suspension bike and 2, Larger balls before I would be able to clean it...

Fortunately the trail building bug is alive and well in Taiwan and the guys managed to make at least one section of it more ridable for the rest of us...

Happy New Year!

2008-01-06T19:38:00.000+08:00

Well we are back in Taipers after an awesome break in New Zealand. We had the chance to stay in a place on the East coast of the North island. Bream bay in Ruakaka.

Which isn't too shabby as you can see...

We stayed up on the hill overlooking the beach...

I have a bike in NZ and took that along but alas no riding.It appears as though farmers don't want you riding on their land for some reason....

It was still all good though. The weather was awesome and the food and wine up to the usual Kiwi standards.....

I have came back very relaxed....but with a resolution to go on a diet...

The really awesome thing...which I guess I should mention is that we have just bought a house about 30 seconds walk to the beach....

I guess I will just have to force myself to go back at some point...

Like...er....tomorow?

I've had enough!

2007-12-24T20:18:00.000+08:00

I've had enough of mashing dérailleurs...

I've had enough of leaking suspension...

I've had enough of falling off....

I've had enough of being slow...

Apparently, this is the answer to my problems...

A fully rigid, 29" size wheel, single speed....

I can get myself one of these for not very much money courtesy of my bike shop owning father in law...

Wot do you reckon?

HOT or NOT?

Taiwan bike park....

2007-12-23T19:50:00.000+08:00

Taiwan has lots of bike paths...

Tarmac pavements where one can safely cycle around the city....

The problem is, when you want to pop into the local for a bit of a pee jo (Chinese for beer)...there is nowhere to leave your bike...

Me and my mate James have come up with this idea....

Except we want to use real children...any one out there that can provdie some?

Foghorn Leghorn

2007-12-20T12:48:00.000+08:00

While I was safely tucked in bed with massive hangover on Sunday, a few intrepid explorers had made the decision to make an 'exploratory' ride up to a local legend known as 'Fisherman trail'

I honestly had every intention of going and I'm not a mathematician but an early start plus a late night multiplied by several Taiwan Beers equals a very bad sum...

I knew the ride was going to take around six hours and included a ride up to Helen's...which I think is an elevation of about 800m give or take....and that was only halfway up...

At sea level the weather was beautiful, a clear crisp day and when I emerged from my hangover at around 11:00am I was full of regret for not making the effort to go...

And then I saw the photos.....

And then I heard about the stairs...

Six kilometers of them apparently...

And then I heard about the view from the top...

On occasion, the absolute best thing to do is stay in bed....

Mmmmmmm.....Yum!.

2007-12-12T12:27:00.000+08:00

I'm just back from China! My third visit in two months, doing my consultancy stuff...glad to be back in Taiper's and looking forward to Christmas in NZ.

Most of all looking forward to NZ food....

Which is a bit better than the food in Suzhou...this taken from a menu...

I passed on the dog for obvious reasons but this was served without any announcement...

Not quite sure what this was actually.....Milly says she has seen something quite similar before.....but in a slightly different colour....

Suggestions anyone?

I Miss Malaysia....

2007-12-01T15:20:00.000+08:00

Despite being able to scare the crap out of myself whenever I want here in Taipei...

The trails on Bukit Kiara rock, and I miss them...

This is Pat filming Mike...music courtesy of Tom Petty...

The Graveyard!

2007-12-01T14:31:00.000+08:00

The trail behind our apartment is called The Graveyard!

Its called this, not because so many people have died riding it (though it's rumored that some have) but because you have to ride through a graveyard to get to it...

Theres a saying in Taiwan that the dead have the best real estate...

Looks pretty good to me...and so does the riding...

This is MARK! riding on the 'Moab' section...

MIKE! riding on the 'Moab' section....trying to land on the 'X'

MARK! getting some 'air'

Me, getting some 'air'...note the steely coil, cat like pose...and the err, rather large amount of armour that I am wearing...

MIKE! showing us how it should be done...

Bastard...I hate him!

In fact MIKE! showed us all how it should be done, all of the time...

I mean, why take the stairs when you can just jump of a wall?

Why bother walking your bike down gnarly bits when one can just ride effortlessly down them?

In fact why bother even getting off of your bike? Unless its to show people exactly how dangerous the section you've just rode is...

And why bother the neighbors with the clanking sound of bicycles, when you can just ride down their front stairs...

And see that bike he's riding? The Demo 9 weighs about ten thousand kilos...

The road climb up to the trail head takes about an hour...

My bike weighs about 2 kilos..

He still beat me...

Did I mention that I hate him?

About bloody time!

2007-11-30T21:28:00.000+08:00

Yes, I know it's been a long time coming but now I'm back in the blog seat.

Thanks to everyone who pressed the 'yes' button on my little poll!

I am ready to update everyone with my new and improved adventures in Taiwan...

Why the long wait?

Well lets just say that life got in the way..its been a very busy three..no wait...four months...I'll bring you up to speed soon...

First off though, our new gaff in Taipei is great!

Why? Coz it's down this road...

Which looks a bit rubbish....until you notice the rather large hill in the background...

That peak is called Dogs Head. It's 400mts high...

...and there's trails in them thar hills!

Mmm..maybe now its clear why I haven't posted recently...

There's quite nice views once you are up there...

The little red square indicates where our gaff is....higher than it looks from the ground eh?

This is Dogs Head rock...

There's carvings of dogs on it...

Here is a view looking toward the city...notice Taipei 101 way off in the distance..thats 1/2 kilometer tall that is...

Here's a close up...using zoom on my rather crap camera!

Thank goodness its nearly Christmas...hint..hint..

And this is the view from the other side, Wellington heights, where all the rich people live...

We used to be one of them...

The mountains of Yang Ming Shan national park are in the distance...on the other side of them is the coast...and on the coast is the beach!

Which we haven't been to yet...but it sounds flash doesn't it?

The thing is...as you can see we are surrounded by proper mountains.

Which means proper mountain biking...

And proper mountain biking is a bit...well...scary...

First of all because of the trails...

I'm told that this is rideabale, though I've yet to see anyone do it...

...and yes (Per, Paul, Tony, Phil, Smiffy, *insert as appropriate*) you probably are thinking 'I could do that!'

...but it's a lot steeper and rockier than my camera makes it out to be.....honest!

Even our dog is thinking...'how the hell do I get up there?'

And then there is the wildlife...such as this cute little squirrel...

But there's also horrifying stuff that you have to watch out for such as poisonous snakes and spiders...

...such as this one...

Now, yes it looks impressive in the photo...but you should see this thing in real life...

It's as big as my face!

If I rode into one of these and it attached itself to my head I would crash. Mainly because I wouldn't be able to see where I was going!

And then of course I would die because with my luck I would have ridden into this and gone over the bars...

And if the fall didn't kill me, then the spider probably would because its poisonous...

So, I have quite sensibly stayed at home and played Xbox360 for the last few months....

Except now my Xbox has stopped working....

...and I've promised to go ridding tomorrow....

Oh dear!

Lord of the Fireflies

2007-08-03T19:14:00.000+08:00

I have been meaning to write this for ages....well tonight I find myself with an internet connection and a few hours to kill. (I'm staying with friends in Manila before my final foray into Taiwan...3 more sleeps)

So a few months ago I joined 3000 fellow bike riders on the Tour of the Fireflies. Which is a 20 mile bike ride around Manila. Expertly organised, the roads were closed and despite the agonizingly slow pace (to keep everyone together) it was a remarkable experience.

We had the roads completely to ourselves, everyone was talking, laughing and just..well enjoying the simple pleasure of riding their bikes really.

It was an amazing feeling..the traffic stopped for us! And it gave me a small glimpse of how the world could be if everyone got out of their cars and rode a bike...

Manila isn't a pretty city, in fact I've heard it called the 'armpit of Asia' but while that is a little unfair (I think Jakarta deserves that title) aesthetic pleasure and a clean environment is difficult to find. The experience is exacerbated by the traffic pollution and the oppressive heat.

However, at 6 o'clock in the morning, with roads blocked to traffic and 3000 friendly, non polluting cyclists the city is almost (and I say almost) attractive.

This photo could be of any major city in the world...

...speaking of attractive...look at the legs on this bloke! (what IS he doing to that bike?)

But it felt good, doing a little bit to help save the world....

Unfortunately the local chapter of the Hell's Angels turned up...

Luckily half of the Philippine army were there to keep them under control...

I'm really going to miss the Philippines.....

Americans are taking over the world!

2007-07-12T00:15:00.000+08:00

Yes I know we've all known this for years...but they, really, really are...

Despite the zillion dollar trade deficit between China and the US they still manage to export one of their greatest assets.....

Yes...Mickey Mouse...who bizarrely seems to look a bit like godzilla...

I went to Hong Kong Disney Land (or is it world?) on my recent trip and managed to ride all the rides in a few hours.....

But thats because there were only about three of them....

Anyway, a nice time was had by all...especially the taxi home...

Happy Birthday!

2007-07-10T15:05:00.000+08:00

My Blog is ONE year old today!

Blimey, what a year its been!

In the last 12 months....

- We moved from Malaysia to Philippines
- I lost my Job
- I decided I was going not going back to work and decided to become an 'entrepreneur
- Mel got a new job In Taiwan
_ Decided to start a business with my mate Paul in Singapore
- I did a Mountain Bike guiding course in France
- Re-started my Masters
- Started a business with my mate Harvie in Philippines
- We moved out of our dream house in Philippines
- Bought a house in New Zealand
- Made a lot of great new friends....
- Bought a beach house in NZ with Mel's family
- Drunk quite a lot of absinthe...
- Did a lot of riding...

Wonder what the next 12 months will hold...

I love Phil!

2007-06-25T13:48:00.001+08:00

Because he did this for me!

Nice collage of our house, that we no longer live in...boo hoo!

Last Ride!

2007-06-20T10:56:00.000+08:00

So enough of this swimming around in your own personal private pool drinking Martinis!

Time to get out on the bike for my last ride in the Flip Flops, before we move anyway...(hopefully I'll be back to ride)

I went out with a very buff looking Andy (damn him! and those new fangled Jim Weight things) and showed him the Muntinlupa trails. Despite the wet season approaching the trails were dry and sweet!

For a bit of fun he rode my hardtail and I was on full suss for the first time in ages (apart from a guided ride I did last week, but that doesn't count coz I was riding verrrryyy slloooowlllyyy)

Like every where else the Munti trails are seeing a lot of encroaching development. Some of the best Santa Rosa trails are now closed because houses are going to be built on them. Its a real shame because there are no public space in Manila, and it looks like the outskirts will soon be eaten up by development...

I wonder where future generations of Filipinos will have to go to get exposed to nature?

Pack it UP! Pack it IN! Let me BEGIN!

2007-06-20T10:21:00.000+08:00

The packers are in....and they live to PACK!

We are pretty lucky in that my old company is paying for nice men to come in and do this for us.

I remember moving into my first flat in London. It took about six months to move even though I hardly owned anything! A few pairs of jeans and the entire Duran Duran back catalogue (on vinyl of course)...

It took so long mainly because my only method of transport was a 1970's Orange mini with no floor, it only cost me 90 quid! I remember having to use bungee straps to tie the record player to the inside of the boot to stop it falling through onto the road!

Of course all that's behind me now that I am a ahem..."retired businessman"...at least until I get a scooter in Taipei!

So yup we are lucky...although to be honest we are getting a bit sick of moving. In the last two 1/2 years we have lived in three countries. Singapore, Malaysia and Philippines. Four if you include the move to Taiwan...hopefully we will be there for a while...

One of the things I will miss about the Philippines is our amazingly beautiful house! Photo's just don't do it justice but I took these this morning. The idea was to combine them to make a collage thing...but..erm..I'm useless and don't know how to do it...

So imagine they are joined together... Who lives in a house like this? WE DO..DID! Well at least until the weekend!

The pool was the best part! You can jump off these rocks into the 2m deep water below....aaahhhh!

I fly to Hong Kong tomorrow to re-start my study for an MBA. Although its a serious trip I may combine a visit to Disneyland! In the meantime...I'm off for dip in the pool!

Stupid.....

2007-06-03T15:19:00.000+08:00

Anyone that has ever been on top of a tall building with me (I can think of at least three people who read this blog)...will know that I am scared of heights...

Therefore, me doing this would seem a bit out of character, and maybe a bit stupid....

And they would be right...this is one of the most terrifying things I have ever done...

Although it looks like I have just suddenly developed phenomenal rock climbing skills I am in fact on a thing called a via Ferrata, translated as Iron Road they were originally developed to transport troops across mountains.

In a nutshell they are iron runs placed in the rock with safety lines that you clip yourself to.

Despite the look on my face and the apparent risk, I have been reliably informed that I was perfectly safe...well I am still alive...

So this is the first time that I have ever done anything like this, and the course was pretty hard by French standards (a TD for those interested in such things)

I needed some time to get into the flow, it was a bit daunting (well terrifying actually) at first. After a while though I forgot about the height, and the danger and just concentrated on where to put my hands and feet. I got completely focused and then a strange thing happened...I started to enjoy it...

So much so that I would probably even do it again. Its a great way to experience the thrill of climbing without any technical knowledge..

There are 20 or so of these things within a few minutes drive of Alpsun, another reason to visit...

Mmmm maybe I shouldn't have given them that plug...it was Alpsun Pete who suggested this madness in the first place...maybe he is exposing me to all this dangerous stuff because he wants to nick my bike....better keep an eye on him from now on....

Passed Out!

2007-06-03T02:09:00.000+08:00

So I haven't posted for a few days because the "holiday" part of my trip to France turned into the "work" bit of my trip. I have been doing my Technical Mountain Bike Leaders course for the past week or so.

Our first session consisted of a nice Power-pointy jobby with beer and sandwiches, but the following day saw us straight into the practical side of things. We went out on a "guided" ride and shown various techniques such as warm up games and skill sessions. One of these involved riding around a midget really, really fast......without our bikes...

Following this we went out riding for 5 hours and were shown how, and how not to lead a group of mountain bikers across different types of terrain. All among the wonderful setting of the Haute Alps.

Our group was a mixed bag of people including Phil, who has been running MBMB an MTB tour business in Chamonix for 15 years. It was awesome to hear that with all his experience, even he learned loads on the course. We also had Paul, who is about to do a guiding season in Les Get. I'd never seen a guy on a jump bike doing 500mt climbs before....

On the second practical day we were all given a chance to guide a section ourselves and I got to try out my new improved "make climbs less boring and painful" technique, which worked incredibly well and amazingly didn't involve any form of lift access or combustion engine....

On the third day I was out for 5 hours doing a recce of my assessment route and deciding how to lead it. Do I lead this sections from the front or back? Where are the obvious stopping points? What are the dangerous or exposed areas, what would I do if I had an accident here? And of course the really important question...where the hell am I?

The assessment day was a nerve wracking affair and the weather was pretty bad. I led us out and the climb went well, no-one got lost and I managed to keep the group together.

Then Alpsun Pete broke his leg...

It was OK though as on previous rides he had broken his collar-bone, finger and had even got struck by a meteor and died...all in the same day...poor bloke, serves him right for being a roadie....

After I had dealt with my "accident" we had some nice single track with switchbacks followed by steep and slippery rock gardens that were made worse by the rain.

I thought this section was pretty dangerous even for experienced riders and took it easy, maybe a bit too easy according to OTC Pete (he was behind me screaming faster! faster!) After this we were at the bottom and my assessment was over....

Four hours later I found out that I had passed! I am now a trained Mountain Bike Leader for Technical terrain.....Woo Hoo!

To become fully qualified and get liability insurance I still need to log up a few more rides and improve my map reading. This will have to wait until I am in Taiwan.

For me personally though this is a bit of an achievement. Its something I would never have done if I was still gainfully employed, and many of the people I met on the course also used to have "proper" jobs but were now pursuing their dreams....they were an inspiration...

I guess should thank DHL for the opportunity....

Well maybe I won't go that far...but I am looking forward to testing out my new skills when I'm back in the Flip Flops...

So who wants a one handed wheelie race to the top of Santa Rosa?....

erm...I mean, who wants to experience a safe and enjoyable ride with an element of skills progression with newly trained MTB leader?

Rock Drops are my New...New Best Freind

2007-05-28T01:46:00.000+08:00

OK, call me fickle, call me a fair-weather friend, but rock drops are now my new best friend...followed by berms and then switch backs...yes they have been relegated..well, at least until tomorrow..

Today we had more than six hours of riding, well I say RIDING, some of it was spent standing around talking, eating and watching Elena (Italian Ski Instructor on the course) falling off of her bike....

In her defense she had new clipless pedals so we'll let her off...Egg beaters, not SPD's my love!

So this is getting to sound a bit like a broken record....but today? Even more awesome riding, even more switchbacks (with heaps of berms this time) two massive 1 hour climbs, two 2 hour descents and OTC Pete teaching me how to ride rock drops...which I nailed after several false starts...and screaming like a bit of a girl...

This photo shows me assessing the payoff between an immediate adrenaline rush and the possibility of a visit to a French hospital.

The instant gratification option won out in the end.

This photo is deceiving, the rock isn't that high but the trail beneath it was another 2-3 feet lower than the rock (the landing is off camera) the approach was terrifying...well, to me it was anyway, to the 2 Pete's it was like riding over roadkill...

Once I'd got over the initial fear though I was dropping off of every rock I could find...and on the switchbacks I even managed to clean some rather impressive looking endo turns (although no-one actually saw them) ...

Of course the 2 Pete's continued to make it all look easy...

Even the camera couldn't move fast enough to capture Alpsun Pete in the air....

Tomorrow, we do the 51 switch backs....weather permitting....

So I'm off out now to find a small animal, I reckon the French sun god will appreciate a bit of fresh blood...whew! lucky I remembered to pack my sacrificial robe for this trip!

Switchbacks are my new best friend!

2007-05-27T01:49:00.000+08:00

There is a famous trail out here called 51 switchbacks....the link for a review of this ride is here..

However, today I was lucky enough to ride an un-ridden trail with the two Pete's, which seemed to have a few more than 51 switch backs...

I reckon, at a rough estimate there were about....say....4000 of them....most of which had a plummet to certain death if you got them wrong...

We started at about 1600mt (Me and Alpsun Pete drove up, while OTC Pete rode up, after having already been out riding for three hours, yes the man is a machine)

We rode up to 2000mt, almost all on demanding (and sometimes slippery) single-track. Then we descended down to 1100 meters

...the total ride was a total distance of 13km....

I believe the technical term for this goes beyond "bloody steep" to "bloody stupid"

Ive ridden switchbacks before, but not like this: tight, steep, with a high level of exposure...and relentless...

At first I was scared, very scared and even walked the first section (while the 2 Pete's just barreled through) but after a few thousand switch backs you can;t help but get the technique down and they almost became fun...I even attempted a few endo turns on them.

The weather was awful, it rained the whole day which limited the photo opportunities...but in a week of awesome riding, today was probably the best....I'm definitely gonna try and ride it again before I leave...

"A classic" as Alpsun Pete said....and he is the lucky bastard that has these trails on his doorstep...

What's jealous in French?

More of the same....

2007-05-26T00:18:00.000+08:00

Dunno about you lot but I'm certainly not getting bored of seeing photo's of my trip to France....

Today I rode this sweet piece of trail...

There was a bit of a climb involved in getting to it though...

The photo below shows the town I am staying in (Les Vigeneuax) and some of the singletrack I had to ride up...

Of course I use the term RIDE loosely, it was more of a push really......

Today was the day that I realised that I am overweight, unfit and can't ride for toffee...

The illusion was nice while it lasted though...

Vive le Giro!

2007-05-25T01:59:00.000+08:00

No, The Giro is not something the government gives to people without a job.

The Giro Italia to give its full name is a bike race. It's the Italian equivalent of the Tour de France.

And today, for some reason it passed through Briancon, which is in France....which isn't Italy...but maybe they have a shortage of maps...Hey who cares? the Tour de France starts in England this year...

Briancon is also hosting the Dauphine Libere and Le Tour this year. The town officials are going for the title of Capitale Modiale du Velo 2007. Which means that its the best place in the world to be a cyclist...

Even the graffiti is bike related....

Fortunately your reporter on the ground was taking photo's of the sprint to the finish...

I should mention that these pictures are deceiving. These roads were incredibly steep. I rode up this road before the race....and despite my leg muscles being very similar to this guys...he raced 100 other riders up the hill...where as I had to get off and push...

I reckon its something to do with them all being giants!

I think this bike used to belong to Jan Ulrich

(this is a smug cycling joke that only roadies will understand)

Ho Hum...Another day in Paradise

2007-05-23T23:18:00.000+08:00

So today was another difficult day here in paradise...

First of all I had to get up and look out the window to make sure I wasn't dreaming...Yup still here in the Land of "Le Tour"

After breakfast (Saucisse Herb de Provence un Ouef) I had to ride myself up another mountain that boasted perfect single track in a beautiful setting. And then, I had to ride even more of it all the way down again!

I even managed to teach the invisible man how to take a photo....

And to add insult to injury, this monstrosity greeted me at the bottom...

Boy it was a tough day, i hope that you are feeling sorry for me!

I Have Died and Gone to Heaven!

2007-05-23T02:44:00.000+08:00

I have just completed my first full day of riding in France!

It was an absolute nightmare to get here...I had to fly later than originally planned because one of the planes was "too small" to carry my bike.

Two days later I finally made the flight, which went...Manila, Guanzhou, Frankfurt, Turin. Once in Turin I got a bus to Turin station and 2 trains to Oulx.

Once in Olux I discovered that I had a 4 hour wait for the bus to take me to Briancon. One quick phone call to Peter (top bloke who owns the place I am staying in) and he very generously picked me up and we drove from Italy to France (a lot easier than it sounds)

So FINALLY, 30 or so hours later I arrive in Les Vigneaux, where I am currently staying with ALPSUN....http://www.alpsun.com/index.htm

But, it was worth it. Today I rode some of the best single-track I have ever ridden in my LIFE!

Even my riding buddy, the invisible man, agrees that we had an amazing day riding...

Show me the Monkey!

2007-04-18T18:29:00.000+08:00

Nothing quite like a wonderful piece of art to reinforce one's belief in the sheer creativity and endurance of human kind!

Then again, there are also bronze statues of Chimpanzees on skateboards...

Geezers, Birds and Bitches...

2007-04-18T16:53:00.000+08:00

It has recently come to my attention that visitors to The Philippines are occasionally overwhelmed by the sheer beauty of the people here.

So overwhelmed in fact that men are frequently mistaken for women! and women mistaken for ladies of the night! Or Customer Relations Officers (CRO's) as they are politely known here.

In order to assist visitors to my adopted home I have compiled a simple, easy to use guide.

Simply analyse the pictures below and answer the 10 questions by selecting from one of three multiple choice answers. GEEZER, BIRD or BITCH. Check your answers against the correct results below. Look out for extra points!

You have 3 minutes commencing....NOW!

Question One

BIRDS!

Question Two

GEEZERS (telling you to fork off!)

Question Three

One GEEZER, One CHAPPY!, 3 BIRDS!

Question Four

A GEEZER (yes really!)

Question Five

A GEEZER...no wait a BIRD....no wait a GEEZER...oh I don't know make up your own mind...

Question Six

One GEEZER, One BIRD (extra point for correctly identifying which one is which?)

Question Seven

A GEEZER (and a BABY for an extra point)

Question Eight

One GEEZER, getting lots of female admiration...

Question Nine

A BITCH (Osama Dog Laden)

Question Ten

Ermmmm....not even I know what that is....

So how did you do?

If you scored more than 8 you are safe to drink as much as you want while visiting the Philippines.

I you scored less than 8? Well you are still welcome, but suggest stay off the booze, only go out when accompanied by an adult and be prepared for a few surprises while you are here...

Those Crazy Euro's!

2007-04-13T11:02:00.000+08:00

I'm going to France in May!

Actually I'm going to Germany, then Italy and then France.

For some reason there are no airports in the French alps, and no direct flights to my hotel. I really wish someone would hurry up and invent the teleporter....

Why am I going to France? I'm going to do a Mountain Bike Guiding course. If I pass, consenting adults can put the lives of both themselves and their children in my hands.

A scary thought...

So of course I need to get trained in First Aid.

The Red Cross, a wonderful organization, do a one week first aid course. The price? 1100 peso. About 11 quid. The course to be held at a local elementary school.

What I didn't realize, at least not until I turned up for class, was that this price excluded a few things. First of all it excluded seating. Then I found out it excluded air-conditioning and then I found out it excluded spoken English...

I'm a qualified PADI Rescue Diver and know enough Tagalog to direct a taxi driver to a girlie bar, so how hard can it be?

Quite hard as it turned out....

Being the Red Cross, the course was run purely by volunteers, A nurse, a Emergency Medical Technician, and a man who owns a Chinese laundry...

They were very nice, very supportive, and very, very patient with the giant, smelly, sweating Englishman. Who's body wouldn't fit in the dwarf size school benches and whose back and bum hurt after 5 minutes of sitting on them..

I also learned a few things. As well as subjects such as tropical diseases (useful if anyone gets Dengue while on the Alps), snake bites (half a lager, half a cider, shot of blackcurrant) and heat stroke (vigorous masturbation without lubrication) we covered a little known condition (at least in South East Asia) called Hypothermia.

According to our teacher, a qualified Nurse with more than 20 years experience. The major causes of Hypothermia are :-

1, People don't wear hats...Which is why there is a saying in England "If the feet are cold, put on a hat" Funny, I've never heard of that saying, and if my feet were cold I'd put on some socks!

2, People don't drink enough...Apparently all Europeans have a shot of rum or whiskey before they leave the house. The reason? Alcohol raises body temperature, she went on to say it also explains why foreigners drink more than Filipinos and are always drunk!

3, There are two holes in the head, and these holes let the cold in which gives you...a cold! Which I guess is why hats are so important!

I should say, in her defense that she went on to mention something about cold weakening blood cells and making them more susceptible to viruses. But she explained it as thought she really didn't believe this theory and it really was down to the holes in the head and not drinking enough booze!!

So there you have it! If some day, while walking down a European highstreet in the middle of winter, and you happen to come across a drunken Filipino wearing a hat, ask him if he was on the same first aid course as me!

Food for the GODS!

2007-04-09T19:44:00.000+08:00

So the Shoe Diva has done a pretty good job of describing our trip over Easter. We went to the North of Philippines, a province called Illocano. Where you can be transported back in time to the days of the Spanish occupation...

We had a great experience. Despite the beach looking like the Filipino version of Blackpool at times....

If you go to her blog... http://musingsofashoediva.blogspot.com/ ...you'll see pretty pictures of some (empty) beaches, some very old church's, and shots of the places we stayed. There are also a few photo's of me looking suitably impressed with the 400000000000000 (how many zero's in a zillion?) degree heat that we had to endure. If you look really closely you will notice that in both photo's I'm smiling...on the inside...

However, what she failed to mention was the food.

Yes, I know I've already covered this on the Brown Food Theory post, but this story simply must be told.

This is what was served for breakfast during our stay...

Yup, this is breakfast. Consisting of 1, Dried Fish bones and 2, Seaweed.

This apparently is "authentic" Illocano food. For some strange reason not many people eat it outside of the region. Huh...go figure?

And it gets better!

For dinner the night before we were served this...

Which looks kinda harmless right? Maybe it could be bean sprouts? Maybe some type of rice?

Nope, its Ants Eggs!

Yup, open up those little white poddy things and inside is a 'ickle lickle baby ant.

For those of you wondering, no it didn't taste like chicken!

After 8 years in Asia I've eaten some strange things. Snake...Alligator...Jelly Fish...McDonald's Rice Burger! but this really takes the biscuit...actually a biscuit would've been kinda nice...

Still, there was one consolation, and of course it came in a bottle.

Ahhh....Mango Rum....Drink enough of this and Illocano fare begins to taste like food fit for a God.

And we all know what God spelled backwards is right?

Arboretum

2007-03-28T11:01:00.000+08:00

I've been going to the gym a lot. I just thought I'd let you know that my legs now look like this.

They used to look like this....

Just in case you wondering......

Twin Peaks...

2007-03-05T15:21:00.000+08:00

I love this photo. It's of a trail on Bukit Kiara in Malaysia. I still miss the riding there and this shot clearly shows the quality of the trails there.

I love switchbacks...especially the feel of the bike when you get it just right! The rear wheel virtually moving on its own axis and the front just swooping round. Arse hanging over the rear...awesome...

Shots taken by Joe and stitched together by Phil.

Kids....can't hit 'em, but you can run them down on your mountain bike...

2007-03-05T11:12:00.000+08:00

The Philippines is full of Kids...

I mean it! There are kids everywhere! Most of them are parentless and out of control at Festival mall, deliberately running into me as I mind my own business, shopping for the latest copy DVD movie.

The same thing happens out on the trail. Kids are everywhere. Although most of them are dressed in rags, they are much better behaved than the one's at the mall.

Nearly all of them wave and shout "good morning" regardless what time of day it is. Some of them even jump out in front of you and hold their hand up for a "high five" Which is rather disconcerting the first time it happens to you. Especially if you are hooning down singletrack at 40kmh.

So why so many? When I lived here 5 years ago the population was about the same as the UK. Just shy of 70 million. Now it's more than 80 million. Thats 10 million new babies! IN 5 YEARS!

Now, they are Catholic and this obviously has some bearing. The majority are also very poor and derive most of their income from agriculture. So squeezing out a few babies is cheaper than buying a cow to plough your field and I guess you have a food supply if your crop fails....

But I mean! 10 million in five years! That's more than the entire population of New Zealand, Fiji, Samoa and Singapore combined!

Someone needs to get this under control, and its going to be ME! In future when a small child walks into me when im shopping. I shall not leap around like ive been electrocued in order to avoid them, nor shall I apologise to THEM...for walking into ME!

No I shall continue on my current course, I shall not be swathed. I shall be as steadfast as a patriot launched at a SCUD missile. It will be their fault if I accidently walk over them.

If a few small children get maimed in the process, well so be it. They will learn and they will come to fear the Fungus Method of Population Control.

I shall however still high five the kids on my rides...why? Because it's cool and it makes me feel like I can be down with the kids! It also makes me feel like the Fonz off Happy Day's...heeeey!

Ahhh the great outdoors!

2007-02-26T12:40:00.001+08:00

Who would have anything else? No aircon, no microwave to warm up last nights pizza, no fridge to keep ones beer cold, no Xbox or DVD….who needs it when you've got the great outdoors?

Er…well I do actually…

Much as I love being outside, with nature, left alone me against the elements, I've come to realize that actually I'm a great big poof when it comes to giving up life's modern luxuries. We had a 5 day power cut during the recent typhoon and everything, and I mean EVERYTHING was out. No electricity, no water, no phones. Even the local "House that Fired Chicken Built" (yes this is a real restaurant) had "gasp" run out of Fried Chicken!

So being the brave and hardened ex-pats that we are……

We buggered off to a beach resort for the week. Got drunk every night and sorta, kinda felt sorry for the people who weren't privileged enough to be able to do this. Well, at least until the second Mohito anyway.

And now I feel bad….

Yes, everyone say…arrr...

Serves you right for mixing Mohito's with Jagemeister!

No, I feel bad because every time I go riding on Santa Rosa I'm reminded of the warmth of human nature and how truly, truly blessed I am.

As we ride through small villages at 600mts, we are greeted by families without a pot to piss in with cries of "Good Morning" "Where are you going?" I mean they are even speaking English!

We ride through their plantations, utilizing the single-track that they use to tend their crops. Beautifully tendered it might as well have been tailor made for us. Andy says's "Ooohhh" every time he rides it!

This weekend just gone I led a group of friends up there. Not all of them had their own bikes so I lent them two of mine. One an Ellsworth Moment, the other a Kona King Kikapu.

Now anyone who knows a bit about mountain bikes will tell you that between them, my friends were riding quite a few thousand quid's worth of machinery. And this excludes the hardtail I was riding, which although being my cheapest bike is the one I love, and ride the most. (I think there's a moral in there somewhere)

And here we are riding amongst the middle of an entire community of people that rely on sustenance farming. Who think we are at the height of insanity to be riding push bikes, in the sun, through their plantations.

So as I rode through their domain, a huge smile on my face, I felt a little bit guilty…..

And then I fell off….and then I didn't feel anything for a while.

And then I was quite a bit pissed off that someone had thoughtlessly left a massive rock in the middle of the trail.

And then I didn't care anymore coz I was back on my bike, riding some great trail again.

But occasionally I catch myself, and realize that life can be sweet, almost as sweet as the singletrack in Santa Rosa.....

Another one bites the dust….

2007-02-26T12:07:00.001+08:00

So, just riding along, minding my own business, not a care in the world. And then some bugger comes along and spoils it all for me. This particular bugger was in the shape of a canvas bag that the farmers use on Santa Rosa where I happened to be riding at the time.

It was bike vs. bag. When farm appliances ATTACK! and this time it was the bike that suffered.

Here is my derailleur, after the event.

Yes, yes I know its all due to the power of my mighty legs….

So a quick single speed conversion later, I was on my way again. But much more wary of innocuous looking trail debris and a new found respect for the power of hesian.

Brown Food Theory

2007-02-21T18:30:00.000+08:00

I'm just back from a 3 week tour of London, Scotland, Essex and Norfolk. And it was bloody cold! Everytime I go back I completely forget how to dress and spend my time either freezing my nuts off or pulling off layers because i'm hotter than the interior of Barry Whites underwear.

Speaking of Barry White, I got on the scales yesterday and find out that I've put on about 5 kilo's of weight. That's almost 5% of my total body weight! The reason was all that good old fashioned English (& Scottish) food. Carbohydrates, Starch and Fat...yum. I gorged my self on the likes of scotch eggs, pork pies, fish and chips (proper chips) shepherds pie, greasy spoon breakfasts, yes and even a bit of haggis.

I find it strange that the English empire spanned so many countries for hundreds of years but you will hardly ever find a "British" resturant chain in your high street.

Filipino food is the same, you can get Chinese, Thai, Vietnemese, Indian and even Singapore noodles but you'll be hard pressed to find a Filipino resturant anywhere outside of the Philippines (Jolibee does not count)

Now im going to upset some of my Filipino friends here, but I think the reason is that Filipino food is very much an aquired taste.

I'm sorry, but sugar is not a condiment, pigs ears are treats for dogs, not for humans and 10 day old duck embryo is not a delicacy, its a challenge out of Fear Factor.....

I find it hard to belive that English food is absent from the world of culinary adventures for the same reason. I firmly belive that any food that is of a certain colour is guranteed delicious....as long that colour is brown.

Which brings me on to my theory. The Brown Food Theory.

The list below clearly illustrates that the best food in the world is brown, while the worst is some other colour, ussualy green!.

GOOD FOOD = BROWN
Chocolate

Steak

Toast

Sausages
Pies

BAD FOOD = GREEN
Brussel Sprouts

Cabbage
Bogies

So there we have it. Proven beyond all reasonable doubt that brown food is the best food in the world. The exception of course here is poo. But my dog seems to think that its perfectly acceptable culinary fare....

If its good enough for her, maybe its good enough for you?

To add even further proof to my theory. If for some strange reason you find yourself in a position where 'gasp' brown food is not availble. There is a perfect solution at hand.

In my opinion it is one of the great British inventions and stands alongside such breakthroughs as the hovercraft, the steam engine and erm...gravity........

HP Brown Sauce! Making every meal brown since the dawn of time......

Where Have I Been?

2007-02-14T09:35:00.000+08:00

Arrghh! It's been so long!

Yes, yes I know and I apologise to my millions of fans that have been waiting for the next installment of GroovingFungus. Well a lot has happened since my last post, the biggest news of which has been the end of my gainful employment with DHL.

Logically this should have provided me with more than enough time to blog frequently, hey every hour if I felt like it. But as we all know, logic has little to do with life and instead I have been "getting my shit together".......as someone famous once said.

So with all this time off I've had I have developed a rather special relationship with my wife, and more importantly my wife's dog. This has given me some rather amazing insights into why dogs are a MAN's best friend.......

A DOG doesn't care if you mountain bike every day

A DOGS parents will never visit you (sorry Mum& Dad2)

A DOG loves you leaving clothes on the floor

A DOG limits time in the bathroom to a quick drink

A DOG never expects you to telephone

A DOG will not get mad if you forget its birthday

A DOG does not care about the previous DOGS in you life

A DOG does not get mad if you stroke another DOG

A DOG never expects flowers

The later you are, the happier a DOG is to see you

and my personal favorite....

A DOG does not shop!

The next big thing...

2006-12-11T14:30:00.000+08:00

This is a photograph of my nephew, Connor.

Yes I know he looks like Sideshow Bob. His hair is a side effect of his mixed Fijian, New Zealand, English (and god knows what else) heritage.

You should see him next to his Grandmother, Auntie and Father. It's like the live action version of the Hair Bear Bunch!

This however, is beside the point. The point is that here he is proudly showing the wounds incurred from his first cycling accident (split lip, grazed knuckles)

He was "just riding along"on his BMX....while attempting a jump....and crashed head first into a wall.

Connor's Dad wants him to grow up to be the next Johnny Wilkinson.

Either this or his All Black equivalent, but seeing as England are the current world Rugby champions I can't think of anyone right now.....

So I reckon his Dad has got it wrong, I reckon that a career in Rugby is a complete waste of his obvious riding skills. I reckon he has a chance of being the next Steve Peat.

For those of you who are not in the know, Steve Peat is the World Champion Downhill Mountain biker (for the third time)......yes and he's British....

Photo's courtesy of

http://www.mtbs.cz/obrazek/SPDH0805peat_cl.jpg

http://www.rfu.com/images/News/P_Jonny_Wilkinson_England_0.jpg

http://www.jedisparadise.co.uk/childrenstv/Hair_Bear_Bunch/Hair_Bear_Bunch.jpg

http://www.synergizedsolutions.com/simpsons/pictures/others/sideshowbobwhistle.gif

Check out http://www.stevepeat.com/ for more on Peaty.

Soggy, odd shaped balls....and goats

2006-12-06T14:11:00.000+08:00

The lovely diva and I have just come back from here......

We went there to watch this.....

http://www.dubairugby7s.com

And to hang out with these people.....

Who are rumoured to be related to these people.....

Unfortunately it did this.....

Which is so very unusual, that we could have done with one of these....

But at least this man seemed to be enjoying himself....

Word of the Day

2006-12-04T19:32:00.000+08:00

Today’s word is Dichotomy.

According to wikipedia A dichotomy is "a mutually exclusive bipartition of elements. i.e. nothing can belong simultaneously to both parts, and everything must belong to one part or the other. They are often contrasting and spoken of as "opposites." The term comes from dichotomous (divided): dich- ([in] two) temnein (to cut)"

The Philippines is a land of dichotomies. A warm friendly, caring culture : with a massive gun problem and high levels of violent crime. A happy go lucky, laid back people : surrounded by frequently devastating natural disasters and extreme levels of poverty.

This is the view from one of the trails near the back of my house. It perfectly sums up one of the frequent dichotomies I come across here. Here you can see a family living in a shack, while behind it, brand new luxury houses are occupied. All within a few hundred metres of each other.

I frequently ride this trail on my own. When I tell my Pinoy friends this they are horrified and consider this a great risk to my personal safety. However, everyone smiles and waves as I ride by and most people say "Good Morning" (even if it's the afternoon) and "Hey Joe" (even though I’m obviously a fungus)

I guess this response might have something to do with there being certain novelty having a white man, on a bicycle, hacking around your back garden in 90 degree heat.

They probably think I've escaped from the local loony bin and am too dangerous to approach....better to be polite and hope he rides away......

The wonderful world of mountain biking....

2006-11-22T09:46:00.000+08:00

Ho-hum, a quiet week on the exciting Manila adventures front, no Typhoons, not much mountain biking and no one crashing. We had a surprise birthday party for "the diva" on the weekend which meant that I only got a 20k road ride in on Saturday and was too hungover to move on Sunday.

Despite this it's good to see that many other people around the world managed to get out on their bikes. It was the Presidential ride in Malaysia.

This is an 60k ride just out side of Kuala Lumpur. 60k doesn't sound much but some of the terrain is pretty serious and the heat provides a challenge on its own. I did it last year, there's some big climbs, and (as long as you're not stuck behind someone riding slowly) some wicked downhill singletrack.

Although not strictly a race, my buddy Pat has come first in this for about a million years, but this year he had technical problems and finished 10th. Toolman, who is hands down, the most competitive guy I have ever met, came fourth. Here he is going hard on his Maverick.

My other buddy, Per who is originally from Norway but now based in Vancouver (lucky, lucky man) unfortunately had a weekend of unpacking boxes and rain. To make us all feel better he sent out this shot......

I reckon this could be in a magazine, although I hope there is an easy way back up......

As for me, I have no access to such inspiring imagery, and instead leave you with this.....

Which is a warehouse, and probably where I will be spending my weekend.......

Thanks to Per, Phil & Augustin for the pics.

Where shall I go today?

2006-11-17T16:33:00.000+08:00

I thought I was quite well travelled, but it turns out Ive only visited 36 countries which is only a measley 16% of the planet. I reckon a trip to South America, Former Soviet states and Africa is in order for next year.

create your own visited countries map
or vertaling Duits Nederlands

Pauls first ride....

2006-11-14T15:45:00.002+08:00

One of the joys of being into a sport is introducing a good freind to it. With this noble intention in mind I took my non-mountain biking friend Paul out for his first Mountain bike ride the other day.

Now before I go on, I should mention that Paul is a semi professional athlete. His father, was a professional athlete and played for New Zealand. Therefore it is only natural that I would be intimidated by Paul.

Nevertheless, I oiled the chain on my spare bike and prepared myself for an ass kicking as we set out onto the single track trails at the back of my house.

Yes, that sweet trail is on my doorstep

During the ride I discovered that the sport that both Paul and his father excel at is non-other than lawn bowls. So hand eye co-ordination being the defining factor rather than cardiovascular capacity I thought I would introduce Paul to a small technical challenge. Riding over the wooden bridge in the photo above.

The result of which can be seen here…..

All I can say is that lawn bowls is hard mans game. Paul fell 7 foot into a river bed and didn't cry or ask for his mother. In fact he even managed a smile.

I of course was laughing so hard that I fell off my bike as well

Despite this he is eager to come out with me again..but only if I play with his balls (which I found out are called Pils by the way)

I've said yes...as long as he promises not to throw them at me.

Dirka Dirka

2006-11-02T17:17:00.001+08:00

Seems like its been forever since I’ve blogged. Being stupidly busy at work and blogger not working being the two main reasons.

The last big news was that Dirka Dirka came over from Malaysia before he returned to sunny South Africa. We had a great time even if he did arrive on the tail end of a typhoon.

We spent the weekend here……

Which is Puerto Galera, or PG as its known localy, a short 2 hour drive and 45 minute boat ride from Manila. It’s not a bad place .

I first went there back in 1999 when I was living in Hong Kong. I studies for both my PADI advanced and rescue divers’ qualification there. Its beend developed quite a lot since I first visited, but it still has pristine beaches and unpolluted sea.

Theres also lots of other fun stuff to do besides scuba diving.

Such as drinking........

Shooting guns…

And exploring the island. We hired some motorbikes to ride around the island on. Actually I should rephrase that....I hired a motorbike.

This one in fact…..

While Dirk struggled with this……

Which as you can see the equivalent of a childs bike with pink handlebar tassles, stabilisers and a shopping basket.

Dirk’s reasoning had something to do with it having too many gears. I didn’t buy this excuse, I mean his mountain bike has 18 gears, c’mon!

Despite this we had a good day exploring, this waterfall one of the highlights.

We also got some scuba diving in, because of the typhoon the visibility was a bit messed up but it was still pretty good there was a huge leatherback turtle hiding under one of the wrecks.

Unfortunatley I couldn't take any photos coz my telephone (all photo's on this blog are taken with a Nokia N90) underwater.

However, my buddy Phil takes a mean underwater photo’s so I’ve just pinched one of his.

This is what is looked like down there, honest guv…

Go here http://phil2504.fotopic.net/c1124686.html for more great photos from Phil.

You can imagine that after 4 days of this we got a bit bored so went back to Manila to do some mountain biking.

2006-10-10T17:21:00.000+08:00

Bukit Kiara Video

I finally got around to editing some of the footage shot in Bukit Kiara.

This was originaly filmed for a promotional film of Malaysia. Alas the 'powers that be' decided not to include the Mountain Biking segment and it now only exsists on a few hard drives.

Here is a bit of it that I edited on iMovie.....notice the camerman faling down the slope right at the end.....

Thundering Typhoons!

2006-10-09T14:12:00.000+08:00

Well we have had an interesting few weeks. We had a Typhoon rage through here last week and it caused absolute chaos. It was a catergory 4 which, according to my newly subscribed Tropical Storm Risk website http://tsr.mssl.ucl.ac.uk/ is sustained winds of 211-250kmh. Even Jeremy Clarkson would have trouble driving that fast.

When we lived here 5 years ago we had a Cat 2 (154-177kmh) blow through and we spent the day mopping up water being blown through the seals on our windows and watching roofs get blown off peoples houses (with them still holding onto them) I was at work when the storm first hit, it was quite good fun watching it from the roof of our office building and watch the windows bow, wondering if the would shatter. After about 2 hours if high winds and fierce rain it went completely dead. I guess we were in the 'eye of the storm'.

I thought the storm had passed, we had lost power & water at the house so started to arrange to go home. We were on emergency power at the office and our server was down so not much point in being there anyway. The first problem was actually getting out of our road. Tress were down everywhere. This one blocked the road to our office. So after a bit of creative navigation I was on my way home, unfortunately the storm returned, even fiercer than before. Now I was faced with the choice of continuing home or trying to get back to the office. It normally takes me 10 mins to drive home (yeah, I know I should ride my bike) This time it took me an hour. Some of the reasons for this shown below.

I even got to take my soft roader, off road! I eventually got home and after a few hours the storm was over. So we went out & surveyed the damage.
It was pretty obvious that we would have no power or water for a few days.
So with my riding buddy Dirk (Dirka Dirka Jihad Dirka) delayed and little chance of mountain biking, there was nothing for it but plan an extended stay near a beach. Puerto Galera, here we come!

2006-09-25T20:29:00.000+08:00

Don't Try This on Kiara.....

Blimey! Five minutes after subscribing to You Tube and I find a video of this nutter.

Man's best friend

2006-09-20T12:25:00.000+08:00

I've been trying to think of a witty remark to this photo but my brain just isn't working this week. Something to do with my company not paying my salary for 3 months I guess.....

Anyway, this photo was taken by my riding buddy Sergei and I just think that it's funny....

If the three people that read my blog can think of a witty remark, please leave a comment.

A special prize for the best one!

A cracking ride!

2006-09-18T16:56:00.000+08:00

Blimey! those blokes on Kiara are tough on their bikes. Hardly a week has passed when Phil finds this on his Santa Cruz.

Now is this because : 1, He decided to wash it. 2, After Simons scare he decided to check it. Or 3, As Simon is getitng a new bike he can't be left out and also wants a new frame.

Also, Trek have offered to replace Simon's frame, completely free of charge. How's that for service? I wonder if Santa Cruz will offer a new frame?

Don't mention the War!

2006-09-18T10:00:00.000+08:00

I went for my first Micro light flight on Saturday. For those unfamiliar with Microlight aircraft,they are basically bits of old scaffolding with seats, wings and an old VW motor attached on the back. So why on earth would someone with a healthy fear of heights, someone who won't even bungy jump go up in one?

Not only that, but the pilot was German! What if I just happened to accidentaly mention the war and in a sea of rage he forced me to eat pickled cabbage, decided to bomb London or even.....gasp! told a joke?

Fortunately my Pilot, Marc is more Australian than German and there is a distinct lack of Stingrays at 1000 ft in the air.

Also, despite their resemblance to a meccano set micro lights have a good safety record, at least that's what is says on the internet. Plus our plane had a parachute, radio, gps and a nice colour scheme, what could go wrong?

So without even a drop of Absinthe in my blood stream up I went...

Mt Arayat in the distance.

Coming in to land.

The photo's probably don't do it justice but it was an amazing experience. Marc turned out to be an excellent pilot and I felt very safe with him at the joystick..

It's also only costs around US1000 to become a solo pilot here in the Philippines, and the flying club is right next to some rather good mountain biking.

I'm sure I saw some old scaffolding lying around near our office......

Fungus meets The President

2006-09-12T13:15:00.000+08:00

There are a lot of guns in the Philippines. Everywhere you go there are armed security guards, we have three of them in our office alone, and it's not unusual to see bank guards tooled up with old M16's. When I last lived here 5 years or so ago we had an incident with a guard and a shot gun.

He was 'just testing, sir' when a shell was 'accidentally' put in the chamber, the safety 'accidentally' turned off and the trigger ' accidentally' pulled. He blew his foot off and got a nice bit of compensation from our insurance company, but I don't think he ever got round to running a marathon.

I was invited to attend an economic briefing last week. I thought it would just be a networking affair and a chance to meet with fellow 'captains of industry' The event was held at a major hotel and I was hanging around the lobby wondering, why there were even more guns than usual. It turns out that the briefing was attended by the President of the Republic of The Philippines. Gloria Macapagal Arroyo.

She isn't that big in real life

My wife met the previous President, Joseph Estrada. Estrada was a famous movie star whose movies generally portrayed him as a modern day ‘Robin Hood’ (no not the black bloke out of Chips) The story is that he got elected by using his nickname ‘Erap’ so that the less educated Filipinos thought they were in fact voting for the character he played in movies, not the actor.

Anyway, so Erap visits the school where my wife was working at the time and one of his bodyguards ‘accidentally’ discharges a firearm……and shoots a Yaya (local word for a Nanny) in the arse.

This apparently is a true story.

Unlike my wife I’ve never been in the same room as a head of state before and the whole thing was pretty exciting for me. I saw the current Malaysian prime minister (Abdulla Ahmad Badawiat) at the Formula One race at Sepang earlier this year but he was about 100 feet away and driving round the track in an old Mercedes.

Some of my biking buddies ran into Mahatir Mohamed (former prime minister of Malaysia) on Kiara one morning, he was riding his horse with a few hundred body guards in tow.

For me though this is a first. She made the address and I was literally feet away from her. I couldn’t get a good photo though coz of a big pillar in the way. Instead I got a shot of her leaving.

She is actualy this big in real life

I think this is pretty amazing.......Fungus in the same room as the President................

and no one got shot in the arse.

Boulevard of broken frames

2006-09-04T14:59:00.000+08:00

One of my riding buddies in Malaysia, Simon....broke his frame on Saturday...

At first I thought he was 'just riding along' but here is his account of the incident

'Actually I was hammering down bottom half of 2 k. I say hammering because we've got it flowing really well with drainage and all. This is a true story - I was riding thinking "I just love this bike. It is perfect for me. I'll be riding this when I'm 100". I've converted back to 9 speed (only one chain ring on the front) and the bike is clean with no extra crap on it to have to fix. And it is quiet as a Kiara Rat Snake as well. It also doesn't weight that much any more.Then I hit a bump and thought "better wind up my rebound a couple of clicks (I'm getting a little fat)" . Then hit another bump fully seated and CRACK. Initially I thought "OK its the seat post - its the only thing I haven't replaced)"............. Not so lucky.'

The big guy upstairs was smiling on me though, because I was heading up to Twin Peaks to spank those new jumps again that the downhill boys have made for us. Of course I never saw any cracks spreading as you'd have to wash off the dirt to see them.

He used two sticks rammed into the frame in order to get home.

- well you can't walk out of the jungle can you......

He reckons he's gonna get a replacement under warranty..... yeah right!

Despite this Simon goes on the say....

Its a shame 'cause the bike is perfect for me to ride at Kiara. A good trail bike.

So Trek get the thumbs up from Simon, which is a big deal coz he's a shit hot rider.

However, the really, really important question is, what bike does he buy now?

Take it to The Ridge….ow!

2006-09-04T11:25:00.000+08:00

Praise the Lord!.....it has finally stopped raining. The rain was a wonderful thing for the Philippine economy (agricultural output is up several percent) but it was pretty bad for a newly arrived Mountain Biker….my wheels have hardly touched dirt.

This weekend I had a chance to ride a proper trail, my eyes are no longer clouded with the thought of forever riding on the dark bitumen, I have seen the light! I have ridden…..The Ridge!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Taal_volcano.jpg

About a year ago I fell victim to the disease that hits all bikers at some point. It’s a serious illness that is not discussed openly for fear of ridicule. Even though millions of dollars are squandered on this affliction, nothing is being done to address it. Well its time to speak up and be heard, its time to get it out in the open, to stand up and not be afraid!

The illness I speak of is Bike-Porn-Itis and it’s less serious roadie cousin Up-Grade-Itis.

I was so badly inflicted that I allowed myself to be seduced by another bike. Yes I admit it. Even though I had another faithful steed waiting at home the temptation was too much. The lure of fresh black paint, 8 ½ inches of travel and the smell of newly applied chain lube just proved too much for me.

It’s true…I purchased a bike that I didn’t need…A Santa Cruz VP Free.

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/B0009Z2JCS?v=glance

So this bike had pride of place in my bike shed, but she was too big and heavy to ride on Kiara and with less than 50km under her wheels the suspension never once being bottomed out…..

This weekend however, all of that changed! This weekend I went to Tagaytay and rode trails that this bike was made for…..

Tagaytay is home to Taal Volcano. Which is famous for being a lake within an island within a lake within a mountain….or something. For more info look it up here http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Taal_Volcano

Geographical interest aside Tagaytay is about an hour away from my house (if you leave at 6 in the morning) and is home to some brilliant downhill trails. One of which is The Ridge. Which is 10km long and looks like this…….

Picture courtesy of Darius and his GPS

Yes this profile is scary, and so was the trail. Here is my new French friend, Arnaud in the process of hurting himself.............

And again......

Its not all crazy stuff though, there are some amazing views and even a few flat bits.

The best bit though….the absolute bestest bit, is that once you are at the bottom you don’t even need to ride back up.

All you do is flag down a jeepney and shove your bikes in the back.

Then for 7 quid the nice jeepney driver man drives you back to the top of the hill where you can do it all again…and again…and again….yes Sid…..and again!

I was as happy as a………

Pinoy brolly thief!

2006-09-01T15:56:00.001+08:00

Milly & me have been watching season 2 of Lost on DVD.

I really liked the first season but the second season is really getting on my nerves.

It just seems to be one unexplained event after another with absolutely no explanation over why things happpen the way they do or why people behave in a certain way…..The Philippines is bit like that.

We were sitting in a bar one night and it started pissing down with rain.

This bloke walked up to this brolly, took it out of its stand and walked down the road with it....

Milly reckons that eventualy Lost will make sense, i'm not sure if Manila ever will......

Fitness comes First

2006-09-01T15:56:00.000+08:00

Milly & I joined a gym last night. We were haggling over the price of membership when the presence of a Karaoke machine became apparent. Our sales attendant explained that it was their 4 year anniversary and instead of having a party they had decided a sing for charity event.

Due to my natural abilities to sniff out a deal and the obscene amount of Absinthe still floating in my system, the manager of the gym agreed to give us upgraded membership if,.....I sang

Here is me doing Wonderwall by Oasis.

Did it work? I hear you ask.

Membership at every Fitness First in the world for the price of normal membership. Not sure if that was because of my wonderful voice, or because they wanted me to shut the hell up....

Either way, a great testament to the power of song!

The UN of MTB

2006-09-01T15:24:00.000+08:00

Being an ex-pat is a great way to meet lots of people from different cultures.

Joining the army is also a great way to meet lots of people from different cultures….but then of course you have to kill them.

Fortunately for us the world has mountain biking.

Mountain biking enables people of all cultures, fashion tastes and facial features to come together and be united in a common cause.

Here is a photo from the race in Malaysia to prove it.

Photo courtesy of Per again.

I went for my first ‘backcountry ride’ last weekend and was lucky enough to be riding with a great group of guys from all over the world.

The countries represented were : France, Belgium, Italy, Russia, US and of course England.

Within this group there was no dominant culture, in fact it was so disparate that we kinda resembled the United Nations. My wife knows a lot about the UN, her cousin works for them and she has run UN simulations in her classes at school.

I don’t know much about them to be honest but they don’t seem to do much but talk about stuff.

I guess this is because they deal with complex situations with far reaching consequences.

It’s amazing how a mountain bike ride has to deal with the same issues. Our ride was supposed to be along a disused railway track, built in the late 1800’s. We had a map attached to our navigators bike and everything...

…so we shouldn’t have got lost….but we did.

No one seemed to know….

1, Where we were
2, Where we wanted to go
3, Where we were meant to be

At this stage it was amazing to watch one of my wife’s own simulations being executed in front of me.

Just like the UN, we needed consultants to help us make decisions. Being in the Philippines these consultants came in the form of local experts.

Fortunately the Philippines is a very friendly place and it is a wonderful cultural phenomena here that people actually try to help and look after each other.

Tricycles drivers (with passengers), shop owners (and their customers) and even casual passer by stopped to help us. At one point we had probably 20 people looking at our map, trying to find the answer to our one simple question.....

....wherethefakarewe?.....

Unfortunately none of them seemed to know the answers to any of our immediate needs either. Eventually, someone made a decision. I think it was the Belgian, could have been the French…who knows? It certainly wasn’t the Englishman.….

Fortunately the decision got us on our way again, and we eventually ended up riding some great..if a little flat....trails.
We had a great ride…even if had some hairy moments taking ‘shortcuts’ through peoples back yards as they are cooking lunch and a few very dodgy river crossings. It was a real adventure and I had a great time.
In fact it was so good that I’m going to do it all again next weekend. Thanks guys for an awesome ride. Very different from what I’m used to….but great fun all the same.

A smashing time!

2006-08-29T11:40:00.001+08:00

We went to a pub called The Handlebar a few weeks ago and watched the All Blacks kick some Aussie arse!

After the game we were sitting outside drinking and a street vendor came round selling guitars. An elated Kiwi friend of ours bought one as he thought it would make a nice present for his kid.

Trying to drown his sorrows, a particularly offensive Australian (see my earlier post about cocks) decided he could play the aforementioned guitar and proceeded to serenade us with "famous" Aussie pop songs.... These were generally done in the style of Sex Pistols......except not actually as musically talented as them.

Taking offense to the bloody racket being generated. An unknown Englishman, who obviously knew something about good music, purchased the guitar from the nice Kiwi man, and asked to borrow the guitar from the grieving Aussie.

Once in his possession he did this to it.....

Best 1000 Peso's I've ever spent......

Absinthe, makes the heart grow fonder

2006-08-28T19:13:00.000+08:00

We went to a bar called Absinthe on Friday night. I've never tried Absinthe before but heard a lot about it because it was banned in England up until a few years ago. It also featured heavily in one of my favourite books (but a pretty crap movie) From Hell, which was about a fictitious account of the investigation into Jack the Ripper.

So here we are, with friends having a good time at a bar called Absinthe. Except that we were drinking beer. Some bright spark...er me actually...suggests that we must try the drink the bar was named after. A shot of Absinthe cost PHP500 per glass and a bottle was PHP4000 and held around eight shots, there were seven of us, so we ordered a bottle....mistake no. 1

Absinthe is served with sugar and water. The sugar is soaked in a glass of Absinthe for a few minutes, then the sugar is removed and placed on an accoutrement. Which is like a flat spoon with holes in it, balanced over the top of the glass. Then the sugar is set alight using a lighter until it begins to caremalise. The sugar is then plopped back into the glass....occaisonaly splashing lighted booze over fellow drinkers... and water is added.

After one of these...the world takes on a strange new meaning and begins to look a bit like this......

After two of these the idea of running next door and renting a Karaoke room seems like the best idea in the whole wide world....

After three of these, plus a few wines and a beer or two, one becomes convinced that American Idol is knocking on the door, Tony Braxton is talentless and you can do much better job singing "Ain't man enough for me" than her............

How long before my wife divorces me?

A big beautiful COCK!

2006-08-28T15:26:00.000+08:00

I thought this would get your attention. This is part two of Crazy Philippines!

There are cocks everywhere here. Some of them you meet in bars, some of them you meet through work. Most of the ones I've seen though hang out on the side of the road with their legs tethered to some immovable object. Just like my friend here.

Cock fighting is serious business in Philippines with fortunes gambled on the outcome of a fight. You can see food supplements being sold in pet shops (steroids for birds) and accessories and books on training techniques. The big fights are sometimes televised and I've even seen DVD's for sale of the "Great cock fights of the last 10 years"

Champion birds are treasured and it has been known for some Filipino men to spend more time with their cocks than with their wives. I know a few English men who can say the same....

Suprisingly, there are no reported cases of bird flu in Philippines.

A nation that looks after its birds, and more importantly it's cocks!

Blood, Sweat & Gears!

2006-08-23T10:26:00.000+08:00

So, on Friday it will be two months since I left Malaysia. And I am still very sad about this. There was a big race on Kiara this weekend and all my mates were racing in it. There was some drama with punctures, stacks, taco'ed wheels and of course, blood.....except I missed all the action.

Well I could have got off my arse and flown over I s'pose......

Here's a great shot of Pat going hard

This was taken by my buddy Per who will be moving to Vancouver next year. His house is located in Deep Cove which is a) where the Cove bike shop is located (Pat is riding a Cove bike in this photo) b) A stones throw away from the North shore trails and c) about an hour's drive from Whistler.

He is a very, very lucky man.....and I am jealous.....

For more great pictures of the race, plus other brilliant shots go here http://www.pbase.com/perhoem/carnival

All I did this weekend was a 60k road ride round the village on my newly calibrated road bike (yes it does make a difference) my wheels didn't even touch dirt.

I was going to go scuba diving and get a ride in at Santa Rosa but it just poured and poured with rain. I never remember the Philippines being this wet last time I was here.

Just to cheer me up a bit, here is a photo of a girl with no clothes on..........

This is of course the famous Marla Streb who became a professional Downhill Mountain Biker at 28 and is still going strong.

She's pretty awesome and became a mother...or Mom...as they say in the US a few months ago.

She has a great book out called "Downhill" its about her life as a professional mountain biker. A must read for anyone who rides. The tattoo on her arse is from her win at the Singlespeed world champs.

Naked, tattooed mountain biker chick...what more could a man want?

Crazy Philippines! Part 1

2006-08-18T10:28:00.001+08:00

The Philippines is a crazy place. I love it....

I'm not intellectual or talented enough to analyse it all and put it down in words. So instead I'm going to start a series of photo's showing some of the crazy stuff that I see on a day to day basis.

This is the first one of these.

This is a photo taken from my (new) car on the way to a shopping mall with the lovely Milly. Traffic is pretty bad in Manila and cars crawl along the road, pollution is terrible (but better than I remember it from last time I lived here)

The city has also been cleaned up quite a lot and there is now a promenade along Manila Bay with coffee shops and bars along it.

The government have spent a lot of money on this and the area, at least in Manila terms, it is very nice now.

The lady in the photo is one of many who are gainfully employed to keep this area clean and manicured. You can't really see it from this photo but she is cutting the grass......with nail scissors......

After this I guess she gets on her broom and flies back to Hogwarts.....

Ullo John got a new Motor?

2006-08-18T10:28:00.000+08:00

I finally received delivery of my brand new motor. I've never had a new car before and the whole experience is very exciting......here she is.

Its got a 3 litre engine, full leather interior and a DVD player for those long drives. I also got a tow hitch put on for the bikes. Went for this colour so I can now be black on the outside as well as the inside......

Lahar! Jim lad

2006-08-17T17:25:00.000+08:00

I have had so much trouble posting this blog it isn't funny. I would not recommend that you use Google for blogging, try another service if you can.....Anyway......

There was an article on mountain biking in the local ex-pat rag a few weeks ago. The article was written by a German ex-pat living here and listed his e-mail address at the end of the piece. I contacted Marc about getting together for a ride and ended up being invited to a 4 hour trek on a lahar covered river bed in Pamapanga.

Lahar isn't the reunion of an 80's pop band from Norway but is in fact mudflow that originates from the eruption of a volcano.

We drove 2 hours north of Manila to an area very close to Clarke Airport. This was a former US air force base and the American influence could be seen everywhere. From the bars to the yellow traffic lights suspended by wires in the middle of the roads.

The US left in 1991 which is the same year that Mount Pinatubo erupted. The eruption severed several water sources from the mountain and it was one of these dried up river beds that we trekked on. The first thing noticed was the smell, even 15 years later the area still smells of ash. It reminded me how a charcoal BBQ smells the morning after it's been used.

It was pretty amazing to be walking through canyons that had previously been underwater and part of a major river network. Some water was still getting through from the hot springs and waterfalls all along the route. We had to wade through six inches of water and the further upstream we went the hotter and more sulfurous it became.

Due to the fact that we are intrepid explorers we used our legs to get to the hot springs but there is also the option of taking a four wheel drive. These looked like a lot of fun and probably an option for old people, pregnant women and men who like to wear pink shirts.

After two hours or so we reached what would have originally been a major junction in the river. It is now completely covered in lahar and the canyon we stood in was at least 100 feet high. There had been quite a few recent landslides, and I guess there will be more to come. I wouldn't want to be underneath one when it happened that's for sure.

At the top of the river an enterprising businessman has built a hot springs day spa. It appears as though this caters mainly Korean & Japanese tourists. It was quite nice sitting in the manicured hot pools and the resort is quite tasteful. I hope it stays that way. No picture of this as my camera got wet and all the shots are foggy.

The way back was dowstream and faster and easier to walk back. We also met some locals who were out hunting wild boar. This chap followed us and for a while we we worried that he was hunting tourists......

If you look closely at the photo you will also notice that he doesn't look like a typical Filipino, thats because he is an Aeta, one of the indigenous people of the Philippines. They have curly hair like Fijians and very few of them are above 5 feet tall. We walked through their village which comprised of bamboo huts, lots of children dressed in rags and animals that would probably be in the pot by the time I write this.

No electricity or running water and obviously very, very poor. We paid for the use of two guides from the village so hopefully our money helped them.

Clarke is also a duty free port which meant.....duty free shopping.....lots of imported American products like Black Cherry Vanila Coke.....yum!. Overall a great day out and definitely something on the list for our visitors to experience.

Tasty Bird!

2006-08-17T09:28:00.000+08:00

So, I have received feedback that my site has far too much Mountain Biking and not enough chick stuff on it.

Well in response to my critics here is a picture of a right tasty bird!

This was served to me in a Philippines restaurant last week and is in fact supposed to be a Chicken Kiev. First time I've seen mashed potato in Manila......it tasted OK too.

Sorry but I can't leave this post without some reference to Mountain Biking. Here is a photo of me in Scotland, riding at Glentress which is one of 7 Stanes mountain bike parks. Some of the best trails I've ever ridden.

Photo taken by my mate Smiffy who used to be a bike guide in Chamonix and now lives in Aberdeen. Just a few hours drive from the "Stanes"

Lucky fella!

Here's Mud in Your Eye....

2006-08-14T11:55:00.000+08:00

I had a BRILLIANT! ride on Saturday. Probably the best mountain bike ride I've had since arriving here.

The reasons it was such a great ride were...

1, It was my first mountain bike ride in 2 weeks
2, Due to my increased "Roadiness" I totally kicked arse!
3, I got very muddy
4, My bike got very muddy
5, I fell off!, and didn't rupture my spleen during the process
6, I didn't break anything on my bike

7, I didn't get lost

We rode Santa Rosa and hit some singletrack that I hadn't been on before. It was a blast and I'm really getting used to the slimy mud. The trick is to choose your line carefully, keep the power even and don't use the brakes. Oh and I guess try not to fall off.....

We met up with some newbies and Leo decided to torture them (here they are having some fun)

They did extremely well and are probably taking the sensible line in this photo. This is how my bike looked after attempting to ride on the muddy bits.

Notice that the bike is standing up by itself! I had some serious chain suck after this.....

The good thing was that if it got too bad we could always get a lift on the local taxi service.

Mammal vs. Machine......

Girls like it dirty!

2006-08-04T13:39:00.000+08:00

I was in Singapore last week and just downloaded photo's that I took with my phone while there. I forgot I had this one and it made me laugh.

This is a picture of my brother in law, Blando and his car.

Why is this funny? Because this must be the filthiest car in the whole of Singapore. Anyone who has lived or been there couldn't help but notice that most cars are new and are kept immaculate.

This is due to a wonderful thing called "COE" which licenses cars for just 10 years and makes them hugely expensive.

To see a car in this state on Singapore roads is a wonderful thing and reinforces my faith in humanity. I hope he never cleans it. Blando is a complete stud and extraordinarily popular with the "ladies", especially in a certain bar called Crazy Horse.

And the punchline is.....it just goes to prove that girls like it dirty!....

While I'm here, I thought I would throw this one in as well.

This is another good friend in Singapore, Stinky Diver, who used to be an avid mountain biker, but for some reason (maybe coz he's a bit crap) has exiled himself by becoming A...cough...runner.....

Obviously he feels he needs to wear this around me as I may be tempted to analyse what the hell is going on inside his head!

The Dead Dog Blues

2006-08-02T13:11:00.000+08:00

I woke up this morning
And thought our dog was dead
She was on her "snoozy"
The kiwi name for "dog bed"

We could'nt see her breathing
She didn't wag her tail
She didn't dig up the garden
We didn't decide that she was for sale

I ain't got those dead dog blues.....

Well when I woke up this morning
I swore her life was through
No more walkies in the evening
And no more pickin up her poo

No more persian rug cleaning
After swimming in the pool
No more suprise "presents"
And no more shoes full of drool

I ain't got those, dead dog blues.....

I woke up this morning
And thought our dog was dead
No walking around barefoot
Concerned about where to tread

I woke up this morning
and realised this was the end
Was I heartbroken to be losing
A very special freind?

I ain't got those, dead dog blues.....

When I woke up this morning
I could have sworn our dog was dead
I knelt down and stroked her
Got a mound of hair that she had shed

As soon as I touched her
She farted and her head curled
At that moment I realised
That, she was still of this world

I got those, the bloody dog 'aint dead blues
I got those, have to put up with the smells and fur and the barking at nothing, blues
I got those, trips to the vet and the games of fetch, blues
I got those, being woken at night and scared of bugs that don't bite, blues
I got those, she’s the best in the world better than baby boys and girls, blues

I got those,

Thank god the dog ain't dead blues.......

Budgets SUCK!

2006-07-28T13:34:00.000+08:00

Well, nothing much happened this week. I'm busy at work doing our 2007 budget so no riding. I was in Singapore at the start of the week for meetings and discovered that my brother in law has an unfeasibly large left testicle and that our dog has blocked anal glands.

All in a week's work.....

I'll leave you with another photo from Malaysia, this is me on my log.

Well, mine and Sid's log actually. We built this little stunt one Saturday as fun way of entering the harder sections on a trail called "Rubbish" I called it rubbish because there was a trash can (as American's call it) at the trail head. Also, when the trash can, or rubbish bin (as English call it) was full, instead of disposing of the trash in a responsible way, the nice people that represent the custodial services of Malaysia would just pour the contents into the jungle.

Therefore the first 100 yards or so of the trail was littered with er....litter.

Pat and I consequently started on the berms just after the log and he finished with more berms and his gap jumps (see earlier post) near the bottom. This is the gnarliest trail on Mont Kiara (at least when this photo was taken) and I'm proud that at least part of it was built by me.

Slippery when wet

I am a roadie, it's official

2006-07-21T11:48:00.000+08:00

So...all I've done this week is ride my road bike. I have purchased a lycra bib, Look pedals and Nike shoes. All I need is the yellow Livestrong rubber wristband and my transformation is complete. I have become......a Roadie......

Why roadies wear black

http://krisalis.org/weblog/?m=200503

Actually I've found that being a roadie isn't so bad. For one there have been no hospital visits in a while, I have no new scars on my legs and I haven't had to fix anything on my bike for ages. Come to think of it I haven't even cleaned it.

I've been riding round Ayala Alabang village and made some new friends. Roadies are very social, the problem with this is that to my horror I've realised that even though I now have all the right gear, as roadies go, I'm not a very good one.

I've been reliably informed by my new friends that I need more "miles in my legs". The advice given was that physically Mountain Biking generally consists of sprints, and although this builds up power, fitness and technical skills it doesn't build up stamina....or Roadiness...as I have opted to call it.

So this is what the world looks like at 6:30am in the morning

Apparently no amount of brightly coloured lycra will make up for a lack of roadiness. The only option is to spend many, many hours on the bike. The solution is to ride on fairly flat road, at a moderate pace, for thousands and thousands of miles......now that REALLY sounds like fun doesn't it?

Well fortunately one of the things you can do on a road bike that is more difficult on a Mountain Bike is have a good ol' natter while riding along. On single track Mountain bikers tend to ride in single file and shout at each other.

"Watch out for that drop off"

" What?"

"I said watch out for that drop off"

"You want me to take my top off?"

"No I said watch out for t.."

"Arrrhhgg"

"Too late"

While roadies are altogether more civilised (at least while riding at my pace they are) and proper conversations can take place. Of course it usually involves heart rate levels, how much ones arse hurts, or the colour of your urine...but it still passes the time.

Eventually riding round in circles for 5 hours might even become a pleasant experience

A roadie with flat handlebars? He still overtook me

Bike Fitting dot Com

2006-07-14T15:00:00.000+08:00

My local bike shop (Cycling Zone, in Alabang, cycling_zone@yahoo.com) has a bike fitting service and I'd always wondered if my bikes were set up for me correctly. I've read a number of articles that the correct bike fit can alleviate back pain, knee pain and also help you improve power and aerodynamics. I reckon that anything that gives you a more comfortable ride and make you faster is worth checking out. The price of the service here in Philippines is pretty reasonable PHP1000 (US$18) so I made the booking and went into the shop this morning.

Toots and one of his contraptions

What I wasn't expecting was 2 plus hours of my body being measured in excrutiating detail. Toots, the guy who does the fittings had a whole bunch of equipment that measured me to the last millimeter. The fitting equipment and software is supplied by bikefitting.com. A Dutch company that have got this down to a fine art. Toots knew exactly how the all the equipment worked and could explain in detail why it was important for my performance on the bike.

The first measurement was for my feet and to establish exactly where the ball of my foot was and where the cleat should go on each of my shoes. It turns out that my right foot is 8mm shorter than my left, which means the cleat on each shoe needs to be set up differently. This explains why its always been easier for me to engage and disengage cleats on one foot more than the other.

The Foot measuring contraption also takes into account seat height according to the height of our shoe

Next I got my entire body measured: my height from knee, hip, sternum and other points. The inside of both legs, arm length, shoulder width and shoulder height. This included having a padded pole forced horizontally between my legs. Once all this was done my body measurements were put into a computer and checked against figures of all the other people that have had fittings done over the years.

The bikefitting.com database is comprehensive. Here it's showing correct alignment for my Look cleats.

The computer spat out an average set of numbers that allowed Toots to set up a dummy bike for me. He adjusted seat height, handlebar height, stem and top tube length. Then I got onto the bike and pedaled for about 5 minutes. This was to allow my body to adjust itself into my natural riding position. After the allotted time I had to stop pedaling and remain absolutely still. Toots then locked the cranks vertically and measured the plumb-line. Apparently this is the most important part of the set up because this establishes the angles needed for your body to generate the most power through the pedals. After the plumb-line was calculated Toots changed the top tube length and made minor adjustments to get the final measurements.

The dummy bike

There are a number of setups available through the system and the PHP1000 gives you a choice of three. You can get Triathalete, Road and Mountain categories and within each category you can choose a number of options, ranging from comfort to competition. I chose two road bike set ups and a one mountain bike set up.

The system prints out all the numbers with a diagram of a bike. The idea is that you take this along to your local bike shop and ask them to copy the set up. As long as the frame is the right size to begin with most adjustments can be made just by changing seat post height, saddle position, stem length and handlebars.

The system calculates the optimum measurements

Toots set up the dummy bike with my "professional" road measurements and I had a short pedal, but its impossible to tell without having the actual set up on a real bike. My next step is to get one of my bikes set up with the measurements , then get out and try it. I'm going to take my roadbike into the shop over the next few weeks and let the guys set it up.

I'll let you know how it feels, and if I think it makes a difference.

The dummy bike from another angle

Our new gaff!

2006-07-13T19:33:00.000+08:00

Well our house is coming along nicely, courtesy of Milly and her "creative vision" Most of the boxes are unpacked and we have a rough idea where everything will go. Here are some photo's:

This is the guest bedroom and where you will stay if you visit chez Fungus

A place to rest your weary head, or "heed" as they say in New Zealand

Every bedroom has a balcony. This is the one off of our bedroom

Another MTB photo

2006-07-10T09:42:00.000+08:00

This is a great angled shot of me on Bukit Kiara in Malaysia. This tree had been down for about 6 months on a trail called 4k. The tree was too big to move and made that section of trail impassable. Riders had to dismount and duck under the tree with their bikes.

I had looked at it over and over wondering what to do with it. Even contemplating digging out the ground to create a bombhole so people could ride under it.

In the end Pat (Brunsdon - master trailbuilder on Kiara) just made two skinnies and nailed them to the tree. Genius! The skinny off of the tree isn't in line with the skinny onto it so you have to do a slight turn on the log, just on the apex. A classic Pat hallmark, just to keep us awake.

Alas I only rode this section a few times for the photoshoot. Oh well I'll just have to build something similar here in the Philippines.

Second week in the PI

2006-07-10T09:14:00.000+08:00

So here we are in our second week, The house is slowwwwwly coming together. We bought a sofa at the weekend and both the bedroom and kitchen are done. That only leaves the other 20 or so rooms to do. Fortunately while I'm at work Milly is doing a great job of being the interior decorator. I'll post some photo's of the house soon.

So I went on my second ride in Santa Rosa on Saturday. Leo, a guy I met on one of the MTB boards lives in the same village. He picked me up in the morning, drove me to the trails and showed me around. What a dude! Leo is super fit and not a bad bike rider so the riding was a lot faster than last week. A lot more fun!

I'm finally accepting that the riding in The Philippines won't be the same as Malaysia but that doesn't mean that its worse, just different. The singletrack on Santa Rosa is pretty much off limits at the moment due to the weather. We had the back end of a typhoon pass us over the weekend and its been raining very hard for a few hours every day.

The singletrack we did ride was the equivalent of a greasy pole in a Manila girly bar. It was a lottery if you got any grip at all, which meant line choice was key to staying on the bike. If you went even slightly off line you'd be off the trail and in a rut. This was OK if your rear tyre went in but not nice if its your front tyre and the bars get crossed. Unfortunately the mud had a tendency to send you where it wanted you to go, not where you wanted to be going so losing your line and then trying to correct it while completely out of control became the common theme. The entire experience became a real challenge.

It was very technical riding, in a completely different way to Malaysia's Bukit Kiara, and heaps of fun. In the end we rode for almost 4 hours (with stops) and covered 40k. Max elevation was 400m.

Next week I'm hoping to get out to Taal ridge where there are some downhill runs. I've been told you can ride for 10k downhill, then once at the bottom put your bike in a jeepney, go back up to do it all again. I'm thinking of taking the VP Free....yeah baby....

MTB Photo's

2006-07-06T17:09:00.000+08:00

Here is a great photo of me doing a gap jump. It looks like I really know what I'm doing and should be mountain biking professionally.

However, what it doesn't show is me crashing straight into the ground a millisecond afterwards.

The camera DOES lie people!

Move to Philippines

2006-07-06T16:52:00.000+08:00

So, our shipment has finally arrived. We have an amazing house, but what looked like heaps of room is slowly being eaten away by our furniture. I had a major panic attack earlier as it looked like the Xbox 360 had been nicked by the packers in Malaysia. Fortunately it turned up in another box...We have over 300 of them. We are slowly getting through everything and hopefully we will have some resemblance of normality by the weekend.

So I'm going for my second mountain bike ride in the Philippines this weekend. I went to Santa Rosa last weekend and managed to hook up with some guys. We did 50k with a max elevation if 550m. Their riding wasn't as aggressive as mine but still had a good time checking out the trails. Trails being a loose word because most of the riding was on road. What dirt there was available was mainly fireroad. A little bit of singletrack, but not much. I think there is more, I just need to find the right guys to show me where it is. Hopefully I've found the right guy, I've made contact with a chap called Leo who lives round the block from me and has offered to show me singletrack trails this weekend. He's even going to collect me from my house....What a cool dude.